Dating After Divorce Isn't Easy, But These Expert Tips Will Help You Get Started

It's gonna feel scary, but you can do it.
Dating after divorce is not easy. Anyone who says otherwise is probably exaggerating or lying.

Don’t beat yourself up if you’re kind of freaking out right now: Putting yourself out there after something as painful and difficult as breaking up with a spouse is pretty scary. Yet, it’s important to start rebuilding your romantic life once you’re ready to find someone new. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to be willing to find it.

Here are 10 expert tips for dating after divorce. It’s not going to be easy, but you can handle it.

1 Take a class.

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If you’re nervous about getting back out there, start with a cooking, art, or archery class instead of jumping right back into dating. Get on the internet. You’ll easily be able to find something that interests you on CourseHorse or around your local town. Your social skills might need some fine-tuning after being married for so long, this is a good opportunity to get that practice.

“I encourage recently divorced men to take classes to meet someone new,” says Sunny Rodgers, a clinical sexologist. “Since the topic of the class will be a mutual interest for them and anyone new they may meet, it’ll make it easier to find things to discuss for those gentlemen who are a bit rusty from not recently dating.”

2 Pick a public activity for a first date.

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Rodgers suggests choosing a farmer’s market (or something similar) for your first date. Since it’s a public space, your date will feel safe, but more than that—you won’t be caught wanting for conversation.

“You can discuss flowers, fruits, and jam preferences as you wander and shop together,” she says. “If the date is going well, I suggest buying coffee, fruit, or ice cream together and sitting someplace to eat/drink together.”

You can even start planning a second date, if things are going especially well: “Suggest purchasing a few key ingredients and setting a second date where you’ll cook or prepare the purchased ingredients to enjoy together,” Rogers says.

3 Try something athletic or community-building for a second date.

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Rodgers says that much of that “first date adrenaline” (aka: those butterflies), tends to dissipate on a second date. This is why she suggests choosing a date that can help you “form a bond” with this potential new partner. She suggests either something athletic like kayaking or hiking; or something community building like volunteering. You’re trying to get to know one another better. Since this is the case, stay away from booze.

“Most of my first and second date suggestions are during the day and don’t involve alcohol. This is by design,” she says.

4 The dating scene has changed, and you need to accept that.

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Things might be very different than the last time you were out dating. Apps and online sites are now the primary form of finding dates. Meeting people in-person still happens, but with far less frequency.

Instead of getting frustrated or overwhelmed, take advantage of the skills you have an be willing to learn new ones. “Accept that the dating scene has changed since you were single," Overstreet explains. "The way to meet women is different thanks to dating and hookup apps. However, treating a woman with respect and having good manners never goes out of style."

5 Enjoy the experience.

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Don’t expect to meet your next wife on your first date out of the gate. Approach dating with some intrigue and excitement. This is a rare opportunity to get back out there and have some fun again.

“Don't take yourself too seriously. Let loose and have fun being yourself,” says Overstreet.

It’s important to let the pressure go. Sure, you’re coming out of a long-term, committed marriage, but that doesn’t mean you have to be serious about everything in your life going forward. You have new wisdom and a experience to try dating with a new outlook on love.Don’t rush into your next relationship. Have fun.

“Go slow: This is a marathon, not a sprint. You're not trying to get married tomorrow. Enjoy the process,” Overstreet adds.

6 Always be yourself.

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This is a bit of a scary time in your life, and that is OK. You’re back on the dating scene, wondering where to begin, unsure if you’re cut out for it. It happens to all newly single people. Self-doubt is a natural emotion.

That being said, remind yourself that you are good enough. You are funny enough. You are clever enough. Don’t pretend to be someone other than the marvelous person that you are.

“If you are goofy, be goofy,” Overstreet tells us. “Don't fake who you are because you can't keep up the facade forever. If she doesn't like you because you are goofy, then she isn't the one. Believe it or not, there are a lot of women that like goofy men.”

If your date isn’t into your personality, that is not your problem. They just aren’t the right person for you. Someone else will be totally into it.

7 Try dating outside your "type."

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If you’ve always dated the same type of person, date someone totally different. If you’ve always been into serious, bookish types, try dating someone adventurous and spontaneous for a change. Not every single person you date has to be your “type,” and perhaps changing it up will reveal more about your new dating preferences than you realized.

“Dating is a process of elimination,” Overstreet says. “When someone isn't a good fit, mark them off and move to the next person. Don't get hung up on someone that isn't into you.”

New experiences with new people will be a journey of self-discovery: “How will you know you don't like a certain type of person until you go on a date with them?” Overstreet explains.

8 Rejection is a fact of life.

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One of the things that holds us back from putting ourselves out there is the fear of rejection. When you’ve recently divorced, it can be hard to bounce back. Oftentimes it feels like the greatest defeat.

But rejection is a fact of life, and everyone experiences it. “Rejection will always be a thing. Even though the dating scene has changed there is still a possibility of rejection,” Overstreet says. “When this happens, remind yourself that everyone goes through rejection at some point and don't take it personally.”

Take a deep breath and move on. In the long run, who cares? If something doesn’t work out, you’re just one step closer to finding the right person.

Remember: “You have changed as a person over the past years,” Overstreet adds. “Take time to figure out how you have evolved and who you are now.”

9 Desperation isn't cute.

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Enjoy dating and see what is out there, but do not approach romance with the intention of getting right back into something serious. If you are looking to settle down immediately, and put that kind of pressure on both yourself and a potential romantic partner, it won’t go well.

“Don't be desperate for a relationship,” Overstreet says. “If you recently got divorced, you should not be looking to jump back into a serious relationship. Your desperation will be evident and may push away women in the process.”

You don’t want to scare off someone great because you’re trying to push it too far, too fast. Let things evolve naturally.

10 Remember: This whole thing is a learning process.

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Dating after divorce is as much about discovering this new, single you as it is about looking for love again. Take time to enjoy yourself, the process, and this new life you’re building.

“As you date different [people], you are learning about yourself at the same time,” says Kristie Overstreet, a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist.

You may be coming out of a truly terrible experience or simply a mutual parting of ways, but that doesn’t make it less important to do some inner work. Choose to see this as an opportunity to grow, not one that dismantles your confidence.

Source: https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/g25683227/tips-dating-after-divorce/

How to Emotionally Connect with a Woman

All people, regardless of gender and age, want to love and be loved. But when it comes to emotional connection, we often don’t want to take any steps, hoping for the best. But relationships, like any other sphere of our lives, depend on our conscious investment of effort and energy.

When you start your own business, you have a clear algorithm of actions: you set a goal, write a plan, and act. But the romantic relationship is a very subtle and intimate matter. It involves emotional openness, sincerity, and access to the most secret corners of your soul. A true union of hearts is difficult to imagine without an emotional connection. It’s this component that helps couples stay together. Let's see what’s hidden behind it and how to create and strengthen that connection that exists between you and your partner.


What is an emotional connection?

What’s an emotional connection? In short, it’s mutual trust. It’s the sense of closeness to another person, a feeling of mutual sympathy and empathy. When there is an emotional connection between two people, they share each other's feelings, show their affection. They don’t push off or judge, but accept each other as individuals, with love and respect. Have you heard such an expression that true friends are those who see you through and yet enjoy what they see? Some couples describe their loved ones as best friends, and this is the best combination of physical and emotional connection.

Such communication can arise between friends and those who are in love as well. Some even feel the connection with their pets. There’s no doubt that this feeling of intimacy in a relationship is essential for our physical and mental health. Emotional and spiritual bond also means the same views on life, the same attitude towards everything that is happening around, and knowing what your partner would think of this or that situation.
Emotional connection: does it last forever?

At first, couples experience euphoria, completely immersing in each other. There are no differences between them. They are the whole. Finding out that some differences still exist can be a serious stress. At this moment, the risk of a breakup is the biggest – those thrilling feelings of love and excitement have passed, and there’s still no emotional connection established. And that’s where the question arises: “Why should we be together?” But some couples with long-lasting relationships also ask the same question. In their case, it’s a warning that the crisis is ahead. The good news is that without crises, development is impossible. And here’s the bad news: helping emotional connection survive this development takes effort.



The sense of uncertainty activates our need for emotional attachment. It’s important to know that you’re not alone. And if at such times your partner is not around, your relationship gets damaged badly. The person, who doesn’t feel the support, experiences anger, protests, desperately “clinging” to his partner, and falls into anguish, completely distancing from everyone. But this is a bad scenario. In a reliable relationship, the second partner reacts to the protest, and then there’s a chance to fix everything that was broken.
What prevents us from building an emotional connection?

To understand how to connect emotionally with a woman, you need to know that a mature emotional connection has many components. For example, respect for your partner’s values and the desire to make them common, the desire to take care of each other, acceptance of differences between you, and the willingness to share both pleasant and painful experiences.

But the inability to share thoughts and feelings is a sure sign that the couple doesn’t know how to emotionally connect to each other. This may be due to the psychological characteristics or problems one of the partners may have, like low self-esteem, for example. Another possible reason is the painful experience of previous relationships. You opened up, but you weren’t accepted. Such thing is hard to overcome, and not everyone wants to repeat this.

Emotional connection is crucial but what if you find it difficult to open your soul and allow yourself to become close with another person? These seven tips will help you take a step in the right direction.
How to build emotional connection

Tip number one: start listening to your partner

Learn to be a good listener. Let your partner tell you everything, expressing their feelings freely. You need to make her trust you with her most secret desires and fantasies, even if you don’t appreciate them. It’s necessary to respect the opinion of a person close to you. Don’t interrupt your partner with questions you want to share at this moment. Avoid giving too much advice. Treat everything your partner tells you with understanding and respect, no matter what you really think. Any criticism can be the reason for the loss of trust.

Being the best listener is a great start for building an emotional bond. Become your loved one’s best friend, and she will be sure that she can trust you with what she never tells her friends.

Tip number two: establish a physical connection

Changes in the behavior change feelings, so even if you don’t feel a special attraction to the girl, start with small but consistent changes. For example, give her a hug when she doesn’t expect it (but not when you’re behind the wheel or in a swimming pool. We don’t need accidents).

There are couples who touch each other only in the moments of intimacy. If it’s your case, then you need to change something fast. Add physical contacts to your relationship, and in a couple of weeks, you’ll notice that you became much closer and began getting used to it. Embrace each other, hold hands, even if it doesn’t seem natural to you, and the emotional connection will gradually grow. Just don’t overdo it.



Tip number three: feel the difference between emotional and physical connection

For men, sex sometimes leads to emotional intimacy, but for women, it’s intimacy that leads to sex. There’s a grain of truth in these words. Men, as a rule, can tell the difference between “love” and “sex,” while women consider sex only a sign of greater affinity. Don’t think that physical intimacy will inevitably lead to an emotional connection, especially when physical contact is not accompanied by building a relationship. When we don’t feel an inner connection with our partner, physical affinity will most likely not satisfy us. Therefore, there’s no need to jump from one bed to another in a desperate search for intimacy with anyone. This doesn’t guarantee the kinship of souls at all.

It's great when both partners are close physically and emotionally, but one doesn’t necessarily lead to another. Thus, the emotional connection is not about physical contact. It’s about how you treat your partner.

Tip number four: open up gradually

This is also an important thing to consider if you want to know how to emotionally connect with your woman. Some people like to share every detail of their personal life and are very proud of their boldness and openness in intimate matters. In fact, such frankness can do harm. Some things shouldn’t be discussed at least until you’re sure about your partner. But keeping everything to yourself won’t also bring you closer. Never sharing your thoughts and feelings with your loved one and telling anything about yourself, you’ll never learn how to connect with a woman emotionally. So you need to become more open with your partner. But there is one nuance...

Tip number five: don’t become too intimate

The emotional bond is an exchange of feelings and thoughts; it’s the establishment of deep intimacy. If you want to reveal yourself to your partner, be sure that this desire is mutual. Instead of interrogating your girlfriend, making her build walls between you, bothering her with questions like “What did you do today?”, “What are you thinking about?”, or “What’s on your mind?” all the time, leave some space for freedom, and intimacy will appear naturally.

Intimacy is like a dance. Sometimes we’re very close, and sometimes we’re not, but we always remain within each other’s reach, held by forces of mutual attraction. Demanding too much and too soon, we’ll only destroy the emotional connection.

Tip number six: find time for your partner

When you only begin exploring your new relationship, everything seems new and exciting. You enjoy hours, days, and weeks spent with your loved one. You come up with more and more ideas to try them together. However, it often happens that after a while, it gets hard for you to find even a couple of hours for her because you begin spending more time on such stuff as work, hobbies, and other things. Spending a little time together becomes a difficult task. But this keeps your relationship from falling apart. If you don’t have time for each other, the sensuality and affection gradually fade.

Learning the ways to spend more time together is important to understand how to connect emotionally with a woman. And in this case, it's not just about dating. It's about your daily lives. You should have as many reasons to devote some time to each other as possible to openly talk about your feelings and share your thoughts.

You should find common hobbies that can inspire both of you or at least try to understand and love your partner’s ones. It’s difficult to create an emotional connection if you’re not interested in what your partner is interested in. This interest and curiosity need to be formed in order to have more touch points.

Tip number seven: trust your partner

Your ability to believe in honesty and reliability of others is the essential component of emotional bond, which is based on trust. Honesty guarantees a high level of emotional connection between you. It's hard to trust someone who isn’t honest with you. But honesty should be mutual. It’s the highest level of a relationship, but it’s worth achieving it. It’s the key factor that keeps your union strong and healthy.
Sum up

You shouldn’t forget that the main thing a woman seeks in a relationship is personal communication. Communicating with a man face to face, a woman feels loved and desired. It’s equally important for a woman to talk with her partner and to find out about his worries and fears. She sees it as a true sign of trust and love. The more sensitivity and interest in your girlfriend's problems you demonstrate, the more stable your connection is, and the happier you are.






To be really close with someone, make sure that your woman isn’t just your life partner but also a true friend, who knows that you’ll always help her solve any problem – it’s one of the greatest values in life. Remember that in a relationship, you should always listen to your partner’s opinions and try to understand her desires and express your own ones, and you’ll learn how to connect with a woman emotionally.

Source: https://bridesbay.com/blog/date/how-to-emotionally-connect-with-a-woman/

How To Make An Emotional Connection With Any Women

There are 2 types of women on this planet: The women who are open to you at this specific moment in time, and the women who are not open to you at this specific moment in time. In reality that’s all there is. There is no need to make it confusing. To do so, is a conscious choice to waste energy.

In order to experience the most beautiful elements of the feminine, we must, as men, be able to cut through the unnecessary superficial bullshit of niceties, and meet her at her core. The core here is basically who she sees herself as, and how she relates to her internal and external life.

This is how to delve into and connect with everyone.

Connection is not what you do, but is all about how you BE.

​What is connection?

​The word connection is used in many cases to describe a phase of an interaction, and I urge you to make this description void. Connection is not something you DO to a woman. It is something you both share, and is heavily dictated by both individuals’ connections to themselves.

If you are not connected to your own emotions first, the aspect of connecting to another person will be a difficult experience. The word connection in my own experience means that: To connect your authentic end to her authentic end. The more honest both of you are, the deeper and stronger the energetic wires of connection will be.

Women want to be penetrated energetically, physically and mentally.

In essence, that’s it. 

Facilitating Connection

​The way you move through your own life dictates many things.

A lot of people who find it difficult to ‘connect’ with others go and learn more practical tools to achieve the chosen goal of ‘connection’.

The problem here is that in most cases the individual only wants to connect to a woman, in order to get something from her, so the vibe and space created is not a safe one. Instead it is pushy and fake. If you have at any point of your life practiced pick-up-artist tactics, then you have been creating this space without a doubt.

This state of being alongside your intentions do NOT facilitate connection.

To facilitate connection, you have to first be open/honest about yourself with her, combined with a GENUINE curiosity for her as an individual. If you just want to get your dick wet and avoid all the scary upfront openness, then you will get the ‘scraps’ of life in every aspect. Behaving in this manner is lined to avoiding your own power and refusing to step into your integrity. You will only resonate with those who are in the same closed and needing state as you.

These people operate like terrified parasites, needing. It is not his or her fault, as society raises us to relate to the ‘rate-race’ of life as such. It’s a ‘dog eat dog’ world so we are told. I call fucking bullshit on that one!

Once you get real with yourself and begin to speak honestly about who you are (flaws and all), what you want, and what you think, the floodgates begin to open. I assure you of this.

The space you create for her will be safe, as you have went there first in yourself. You have weathered your own storm.

On practical terms, here is some basic, obvious, and powerful advice when it comes to connecting to others.

Set/know your intentions

​What are your intentions for this woman?
What are your intentions for women?
What are your intentions for the day?
What are your intentions in the way you live your life?

There is no difference in importance levels, between your intentions with women and life. See every facet of who you are as an opportunity to get really clear on where you stand and how you show up in every way.

The more clarity you have, the more you can gift her.

Do you want to have really quick sex with her and move on to experience another girl? That is fine. It’s not bad if it is what you want, and you UNDERSTAND why you want it. OWN IT, and make no fucking apology for it.

Most people only do what they have been told is right for them by somebody else. It’s similar to leaving a drunk baby drive a Ferrari.

Men feel so guilty for having this type of intention and urge, because society has told them it is a bad thing. YOU know what is best for YOU. Listen to you. Period!

If your intention is to really connect with each other and share something with the possibility of long term shared company, then perfect. That is awesome.

The point I am making, is once you are a good person at your core and you mean well, and you bring love to the table, then you can have whatever intentions ring through for you.

I have spent years sleeping with hundreds of women in quick succession. It is what I wanted to do, and it brought up many aspects of myself I really needed to work on and question. I had the pleasure of meeting and experiencing some of the most vibrant human beings I have ever laid my eyes on. They broke me many times and called for me to cut the shit and show up real. I am eternally greatful for this part of my life.

Then, I calmed it all down and went into lots of internal focus.

Now, I am sharing the awesome company of many women, but it is coming from a COMPLETELY different place. It is coming from a full place, and a self reliant place. I have become much clear on who I am, my purpose, and that which resonates with me. It has allowed me to continue to simplify and build clarity.

This has only occurred due to exploration of my intentions, and WHY my current intentions were what they were. What did they really say about me?

Be extreme and push the envelope and perceived notion of who you think you are. Being trapped in boxes will do you no justice in your own journey. Step into the fear and lean into your edge as a man.

The one thing I stand by is the fact I share no negative or unresolved drama with any woman I have been with previously. I could call any of them right now, and we would have a friendly, fun, and honest interaction. This is a result of being open and honest about who I am and my intentions when connecting with her and to her. The space was created. The space was solid and safe, without any confusion.

Sure many women I have had to let go whom I loved very much. These are the difficult times when you must hold integrity, stay true to you, and see when she wants to be with you in a way, which you cannot facilitate for her. In my case, this is being exclusively monogamous with a sense of ownership over another.

Is this set in stone for life? Of course not! I am open to whatever arises. I am always open to rearranging my rules on what I want. I have changed them many times before, BUT this has been for me, not on the behalf of another persons request.

Continue to listen inwards.

Creating a solid space without confusion is a huge part of knowing who you are, and being clearly decisive. This inspires women to open to you, without any other bells and whistles. She will feel this emanating from you.

So yeah…get clarity, and move in that path with integrity.

​Eye contact

​This is very practical, and something I speak of regularly. One of the socially easiest ways of connecting the internal to the external is through your eyes.

When a woman is speaking to you, listen and gift her the space to share herself with you. Look at her in the eye and bring your awareness to the lower half of your body. This will help ground you. Primarily bring your awareness to your positive pole (penis).

Holding good eye contact really roots you in the present moment with another person. It makes her feel listened to, and encourages her to open even more to you.

​Allow her speak

Such a prominent issue is when men are communicating with women, and he continues to cut her off midway through her sentence or statement, just so he can jump in and do more talking about himself or things he has experienced. This is perfectly ok to do in other times, mainly when she has finished speaking.

When you continuously cut her off, it is similar to punishing her for talking and sharing. You create a dynamic where she will not enjoy being in. It will be very one sided.

Allow her FINISH. The connection will continue to deepen the more she invests into the shared dynamic. Give her that space and hold presence.

​Be curious

​It was either Casanova or Don Juan who said that “3/4s of seduction is curiosity”, and I agree!

Being genuinely curious about a woman is incredibly attractive to her. We all want to feel special and like we take up some space on this earth. Being genuinely curious about her allows her to feel this.

Curiosity is the greatest compliment.

I always say I am endlessly curious about women who inspire me. There must be a reason I am drawn to her, so my intention is to find out why. It is to find out what makes her who she is.

Your main focus when communicating with a woman is not to engage logically with her, but instead engage emotionally.

I want to know why she does what she does, and how she FEELS when she does the things she is passionate about. Her little unconscious expressions and movements are what make me melt and desire her even more.

Seeing a woman swept up in a beautiful emotion of happiness and excitement, when she gleefully expresses something she loves and holds dear, is the most attractive thing to me.

I am not telling you that you must feel and interact the same way as me. We are all attracted to an array of subtle qualities. Allow yourself to celebrate and be in them when they come up.

There is no right and wrong. Just what FEELS right to you! Follow that.

Share who you are

​As mentioned above, connection needs 2 points of contact in order to connect and meet.

You are the opposite point.

It is essential that she knows you, or at least something about who you are and what your own role is in life. Once she feels this from you, then she can begin to see how and where you could fit into her life or current experience. This is how human beings assess each other on a whole.

“How does this person fit?”

You must also do the same with her, and how she applies to your life. If you are just 2 people looking to take, in order to feel better about yourselves, that’s fine, it will work, and the desired outcome will occur, which wont be favorable, until you switch from needing to take, to that of giving.

This is why, when a man who only wants to take, interacts with a woman who has a deep sense of herself and her power, never stands a chance with her.

The woman will eat him up and spit him out. She doesn’t need anything, and he only wants to ‘get’. He serves nothing positive in her life of giving/sharing. He only wants and needs.

Be clear on the qualities you want in another person, and then actively look for these. Not everyone will be in alignment. Accept this, and move on when you feel it. Otherwise you disrespect yourself, and become manipulative and dishonest with the woman.

Having deep connections with women is the most nourishing and growth-enhancing thing you can do. This can be with women who you are not sexually attracted to also. This is not a tactic reserved just for women you want to fuck.

This is for you, and for life. Start creating space for people to step into. Your life will change, and others will too.

Source: http://www.awakenedintent.com/blog/how-to-make-an-emotional-connection-with-any-women

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8 Sex Tips For Couples Who Think They’re Too Tired

How do we have healthy, exciting sex lives when our hearts and minds are running full steam all day and then puttering home on fumes? Here’s some advice.
D.C. McAllister, By D.C. McAllister, April 3, 2017

A recent study has found that American adults aren’t having sex as often as in the past. The causes are many, though they’re not all equally demonstrable: the hook-up culture, busy work lives, social media, pornography, and marrying later in life.

A sociology professor at the University of Washington believes the decline is due to the growing number of two-income families. “I would say the No. 1 cause for lack of sex is fatigue,” Pepper Schwartz said. “You have many more women and men working to create a two-income family to stay middle class or above. … People’s minds are occupied with things other than the physical connection, and that has increased in modern life, and especially from the ’80s and ’90s and forward.”

This translates into emotional fatigue more than physical—let’s face it, people worked harder physically in the past than they do now. But we’re busier. Busy being busy and trying to keep up with the Joneses. Our minds our crowded. We’re distracted by a million different gadgets with all their pings, rings, trickles, and swipes. It’s exhausting.

How do we have healthy, exciting sex lives when our hearts and minds are running full steam all day and then puttering home on fumes? Here’s some advice to shift gears and get revved up in the bedroom.
1. Make Sex a Priority

Think of all the things you do during the day. You work, eat, care for your family, shop, and spend a whole lotta time looking at screens—10 hours and 39 minutes every day, to be exact. It’s time to reprioritize. Sex is more important than anything you’re watching on the computer screen. And if you’re watching sex on the screen, you’re robbing your real-life, flesh-and-blood lover of precious time and energy that could be spent with him (or her).

Make sex a priority in your relationship. I’m not suggesting you plug a sex date into the calendar—unless you both are the super-organized type and that helps. But you do need to get your mind wrapped around the notion that sex is important. A healthy sex life helps create a healthy relationship. If you’re vulnerable, honest, trusting, playful, fun, and thoughtful in the bedroom, you will be that way in real life.

Too many couples treat sex as a mere afterthought. Women are especially guilty of this. They too often think of it as an indulgence for the man rather than an intimate act that infuses life into their marriage. Sometimes this isn’t their fault. More often than not, women lose interest in sex because it has become rote. After too many wham-bam-thank-you ma’am’s, women just aren’t into it anymore. It’s boring because there’s no real excitement, no real intimacy, and most of the time they’re not even getting their cookies.
2. Be Marriage-Centric

If your child or work is at the center of your life, you need to make some adjustments. We all have responsibilities. We can’t just ditch those. But we can make changes to prioritize our marriage.

Too many people have children-centric homes. Everything about the kids comes first instead of the marriage relationship—and sex is dead last. Some couples don’t even kiss each other when they come home. They’re too busy giving the kids attention. But the little sweeties can wait until mom and dad have their moment for reconnection, then they can come rushing in.

If you regroup and make the decision to put your marriage first, you will find your time at home less exhausting. You’ll see that little Johnny really doesn’t need you to read him “Cat in the Hat” for the third time. Ashley doesn’t need her favorite pajamas washed today. It can wait till tomorrow. That email from your boss or co-worker really can wait until you’ve spent some time with your spouse. Many things you think need to be done really don’t. Slow down. Stop putting your marriage on the back burner. Move it to the front and fire it up.
3. Wake Up To Each Other

Whatever time you need to get up in the morning, set the alarm for 5 or 10 minutes earlier. Use this time to snuggle before the day begins. Do this even if you don’t need to wake up at the same time. You can always roll over and go back to sleep when your spouse leaves.

Caress each other’s skin and hair. Feel your bodies close, hold each other, breathe as one, entwine your legs until you feel every part of each other. Begin the day with your focus where it needs to be—on your marriage. Don’t let the coffee cup be the first thing that touches your lips. Let it be your lover’s kiss.

With this simple moment of bonding, you are creating an attitude toward one another that will stay with you throughout the day. Add a little flirting through texting, email, or the occasional phone call, and you’ve set in motion all the groundwork you need to have sex. You might be tired when you get home, but foreplay has been happening since you woke up in each other’s arms.

The boss might have been on your case, or the baby might have spit up all over you, but you feel that swelling deep inside and your spouse is your only release—because he’s the one who lit the flame before the sun even crested the horizon.
4. Check Your Expectations

Film, TV shows, erotica, porn, glossy sex magazines, even advertisements—they’ve done a number on us. They also tell us how our bodies should look, move, and respond. They send constant messages that sex should be explosive. Amazing. Toe-curling. And if it’s not, you’re doing something wrong.

Wrong. Like anything else in a relationship, the couple defines what is best, good, and satisfying, not the culture. Sex in marriage is not always going to be like the early days of romance when fireworks burst and you were hungry to claw into your lover’s skin. Sometimes it’s like that, but most of the time it’s a lot more relaxed. That’s not a bad thing. It’s just different.

Sometimes things aren’t working like they used to. Your body has changed (hello, women who’ve had babies or men who’ve passed the 50 mark). Getting geared up for sex takes longer. Don’t let this inhibit you from having sex, just manage your expectations. Think of sex not as a performance, but as communication—a time to connect with the person you love. If fireworks light up the sky, great. If you just breathe a sigh, folding into your spouse’s arms, then that’s great too.
5. Why So Serious?

If you think of sex as drudgery, as a duty to perform, you won’t want to do it. But if you lighten up and think of sex as a time to relax, play, and laugh, you’ll be more willing to do it, even if you’re tired. Instead of coming home and turning on the television for relaxation and entertainment, turn on your spouse.

If you’re a wife (or husband) who stays home all day with the kids, think of your spouse as a release valve, not just one more duty to tend to. Remember, you LOVE this person. You’re married to him. Enjoy each other. Have fun in the bedroom, laugh and smile, and the weariness will fall away.
6. It’s Not All About the O

Too many people hop into bed with one intention: have an orgasm and be done with it. Men, that’s especially true for you, and you know it. Whether you want to admit it or not, that can be a little stressful, especially if you’re older. From the first kiss, you’re intent on reaching that climatic moment. Your wife is merely along for the ride, and she’s as determined as you to get done with it. If that involves pulling a Meg Ryan performance from “When Harry Met Sally,” then so be it.

This is not good. Not good at all. If this is your approach to sex, you won’t be heading to the bedroom when you’re already exhausted. You’ll flip on the baseball game or pour yourself another bourbon.

Instead, make love for the sake of being close and feeling connected. Be fully present in the moment instead of anticipating what’s to come. One of the most important sex organs that people ignore (besides the brain) is the skin. Touch it, caress it, massage it, kiss it, breathe on it. Spend time relaxing, feeling each other’s heartbeat and looking into one another’s eyes.

If you fall asleep because you’re so tired, that’s okay. Sex doesn’t have to be only about the O. You can always wake up later, give your spouse that sexy middle-of-the-night nudge, and finish what you started earlier in the evening.

Remove the pressure to achieve orgasm, and sex will become more relaxing. To your surprise, when that glorious moment does come, it will be even better.
7. Spice It Up With Spontaneity

So you’re busy, running here and there. You don’t have a lot of time, even with making your marriage the number one priority. That’s life. But it doesn’t mean you can’t have sex. I’ve already described the more relaxing moments, but that’s not all there is. You can steal moments during the day—during a lunch break, while the kids are watching a television show or reading, just before you leave for work, whenever. Be spontaneous.

If your husband gets that seductive look in his eye, pull him into the bathroom and have sex. Grab the moment. This is when you don’t need to worry about taking a lot of time. It’s about being open to the sudden bursts of feeling we all get. This doesn’t need to end in climax, either. Maybe you’ll just make out in the utility room for five minutes, getting each other hot and bothered and saving it for later.

One of you might not really feel like it. Dinner is in the oven, the kids need to be washed, you’re stressed from a blow-up at work. Doesn’t matter. It’s all about the moment with your lover. Steal it. Enjoy it. Then slip back into the kitchen, living room, or study as if nothing happened. Only the glow on your cheeks will give you away.
8. Let Your Face Time Be Real

I mentioned this before, but it bears repeating. A lot of people say they’re too busy for sex or intimacy. Yet they come home and flick on the television or the computer. They can tell you all about the latest Netflix show or what team is trading which players or whose fighting in the media, but they can’t tell you what their spouse has been thinking about during the day. This has got to stop.
Sex is integral to the health and well-being of your marriage.

First, turn off the television and computer. It numbs you. It encourages you to be inactive and adds to your lethargy. Second, if you do want to watch something, watch it with your spouse. Use that time to snuggle, touch one another, share thoughts. Let your leisure time be spent together. But eventually turn off the screen and get back to real face time.

Marriage is about being one. That oneness includes your whole person, body, mind, and spirit. Your marriage isn’t just about raising children together or sharing space in a house like roommates. Marriage is about being one flesh. This union is as much a physical one as it is spiritual and emotional. Sex is integral to the health and well-being of your marriage. If that part is neglected, the whole suffers.

Bringing sex back into focus in your marriage is as important as any other aspect of your relationship. Don’t let the busy-ness of work, children, or entertainment stop you from nurturing that union. You chose this person to love for the rest of your life—not just their minds, but their bodies. Don’t let the precious moments that you share only between the two of you slip away. Don’t lose the gift of sex. Treasure it. Hold it close. Most of all, rest in it.
Denise C. McAllister is a journalist based in Charlotte, North Carolina, and a senior contributor to The Federalist. Follow her on Twitter @McAllisterDen.

Source: https://thefederalist.com/2017/04/03/8-sex-tips-couples-think-theyre-tired/

11 Ways to Last Longer In Bed

Though it may seem hopeless, there are several effective ways to curb premature ejaculation

By The Editors of MensHealth.com

Jun 11, 2018

One of the most frustrating afflictions that can befall a man is premature ejaculation. It's embarrassing, it's unexpected, and it turns what is supposed to be one life's greatest joys into one of life's greatest disappointments. No one wants to have to say I'm sorry at any point before, during, or after sex.

But men should know that while yes, PE can be incredibly frustrating, it's also incredibly common. “Premature ejaculation is a problem that affects almost every man at some point in his life,” says Thomas J. Walsh, M.D., a urologist at the University of Washington. While you're more likely to experience PE in your twenties and thirties, as many as one out of three men of all ages say they've experienced it at some point in their lives.

Knowing you're not alone can be comforting, but unfortunately it isn't going to change the reality of how PE can affect your agenda in the bedroom. If you want to start lasting longer in bed, then you're going to need to do something about it. This is far easier said than done.

What is the average time for ejaculation?
In a 2005 study, researchers had 500 heterosexual couples use stopwatches to measure the time between vaginal penetration and male ejaculation over four weeks of sex sessions. The overall median time was 5.4 minutes.

Lots of guys don't last as long as that. The 2014 book The New Naked: The Ultimate Sex Education for Grown-Ups reported that nearly half of guys finish within two minutes, according to the New Republic.

You may be diagnosed with PE if you routinely ejaculate within one minute of penetration, no matter how hard you try to delay it.

One of the reasons PE is so maddening is that it can feel like you have no control over it. The harder you try to prevent it, the worse it seems to get. Yes, you may be able to last a few seconds longer in bed by thinking about your fantasy baseball team, but who wants to be thinking about baseball statistics during sex? Are there any substantive solutions?

Thankfully, the answer is yes. Despite how hopeless your situation may feel, there are indeed plenty of smart, sensible, and healthy ways to curb, if not cure, your premature ejaculation and last even longer in bed.

1. Work it out



Kegels. Kegels. Kegels.
Or, in other words, work out your pubococcygeal (PC) muscles of the pelvic floor, and work them out good. To understand what these muscles feel like when they're fired up, trying cutting off the flow of urine the next time you're using the bathroom. After you cut it off, let it flow, then cut it off again, then let it flow again.

For help isolating those PC muscles, try standing in front of a mirror and using them to lift your testicles — without the help of your hands. Imagine “lifting your nuts to your guts” or “shortening your penis,” Dr. Sandra Hilton, PT, DPT, a doctor physical therapy at Entropy Physiotherapy and Wellness in Chicago, Illinois, previously told Men’sHealth.com.
Once you have a feel for how to expand and contract your PC muscles, tighten and hold for a count of 10, then release. Practice in sets of 10. The beauty of this exercise, which will result in heightened ejaculatory control and help you last longer in bed, is that you can do it practically anywhere.

There’s scientific proof that kegels can help men make sex last longer. As Men’s Health UK reported: “A 2005 study found that 75 percent of men improved erectile function after doing kegels. In another study, Italian researchers found that 61 percent of men were cured of premature ejaculation through rehabilitation of the pelvic floor muscles.”

2. Limit your thrusting



There are plenty of ways to enjoy intercourse without thrusting like a jackrabbit. You can massage the tip of your penis into her clitoral hood. You can focus on the nerve endings in her vaginal entrance instead of seeing how deep you can get. You can press your penis against her G-spot. Sure, throw a little thrusting in there too, but if you feel like you're about to reach the point of no return, there are ways to slow things down without sacrificing her pleasure.

3. Switch things up
Instead of picking one position and pounding away like the aforementioned jackrabbit, try alternating between a few different configurations to last longer during sex, licensed sex psychotherapist Vanessa Marin advised over at Bustle. Negotiating your bodies into new positions will let you press pause on your trip to the finish line.

Marin also recommends experimenting with “tiring or tricky” positions to last longer; you may find yourself less likely to come if your brain is focused on balance or precision.

Need some inspiration? Check out our list of the 45 best sex positions every couple should try. You might want to skip doggy style, which makes it easy to go fast and deep — a climactic combination. Consider having your partner go on top, where she can take the reins on rhythm and depth.

4. Edging




Delaying your orgasm while masturbating can be one of the most effective ways to train yourself to last longer during sex. This is also known as edging, and according to Dr. Walsh it's one of the most common techniques for avoiding premature ejaculation. Basically, you bring yourself right to the edge of orgasm before stopping all sexual or masturbatory activity until you have your excitement under control.

Practicing this technique can help you teach your brain and body to better control your orgasm response and make sex last longer, says sex therapist Emily Morse, Ph.D. Just be sure to use a lot of lotion or lube while you practice edging to avoid chafing, she adds.

Speaking of masturbation, rubbing one out an hour or two before sex may help you delay ejaculation, according to the Mayo Clinic.

5. The Squeeze




If you can feel your orgasm coming on, stop and squeeze right below the head of your penis. Apply firm pressure with your thumb and forefinger and focus the pressure on the urethra, or the tube running along the underside of the penis, advises Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a sex therapist and author of She Comes First.

The squeeze technique can help you last longer in bed by pushing blood out of the penis and momentarily decreasing sexual tension, which represses the ejaculatory response, Kerner says.

“This is another type of biofeedback, similar to edging.” says Dr. Walsh.

6. Ladies first



Many women require clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm in the first place, so while you're trying to keep your own orgasm at bay, get to work and help her find her own bliss. Whether you use your mouth, your fingers, or a toy—hey, we recommend all three!—knowing she’s enjoyed an orgasm may relieve some of the pressure you’re feeling to last longer in bed, Kerner says.

7. Condom control






If you struggle with premature ejaculation, condoms can be your best friend when it comes to lasting longer during sex. (Also, you should be using them anyway, bro.) Most major condom manufacturers make extra-thick rubbers that act like a slip-on desensitizer for your member during sex, Morse says, and these can help you avoid premature ejaculation. Try Trojan's Pleasures Extended, which comes with a numbing agent to help prolong pleasure for you the both of you.

Trojan Pleasures Extended8. Pills



In Europe, there are many legal drugs that purportedly help you last longer in bed, Dr. Walsh says. The problem: The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) hasn’t approved those drugs to treat PE in the U.S. Why?

“Even though trials show these drugs genuinely benefitted men with premature ejaculation, the FDA sets a very high bar for drugs used to treat non-life threatening conditions,” Dr. Walsh explains.

There's also evidence to suggest that some antidepressants can help delay orgasm—Paxil, or paroxetine, has proven to be particularly effective—but they could lead to mood changes or other side effects and shouldn't be used unless prescribed by a doctor, says Dr. Walsh. So at the end of the day, these should be considered a last resort.

9. Anesthetic wipes




In 2017, a small study found that applying wipes covered in a small amount of benzocaine, a mild anesthetic, can help you last longer in bed. The problem? The wipes could have the unintended effect of numbing your partner's vagina, says NYC-based urologist Dr. David Samadi. So maybe don't break out the baby wipes just yet.

10. Tech support


A new FDA-cleared program called Prolong purportedly helps train you to delay ejaculation by jerking off with a special device. For $299, you get a vibrating masturbation gadget, a guidebook, and some lube.


"Over your six-week training program, the studs and vibrations combine to fine tune that over-sensitive sweet spot under the head of your penis just enough to hand you the reigns to your climax," its website — a sexual health platform called Smiling Dick — states.

Don’t want to spend $299, but still want to treat your PE? There’s an app for that.

Check out the Premature Ejaculation App — or Pea, for short. Billed as a “virtual sex therapist,” the app guides you through a three-step masturbation training program to help treat your PE, and lets you track your improvement over time.


11. Ask an expert




If you feel like you’ve tried everything to have better, longer sex without success, it may be time to discuss your problem with a doctor, Dr. Walsh says. “A lot of the treatments we’ve already discussed—edging and biofeedback—are pretty challenging techniques that a specialist can help you use effectively.”

He recommends asking your doctor for a referral to a urologist, who can either treat you himself or refer you to the right person for your problem.


“He or she will help you approach this practically and pragmatically,” Dr. Walsh says, adding, “It’s not about getting in touch with your inner self. It’s about learning the physical or mental mechanisms that can help you avoid premature ejaculation.

Source: https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19544044/have-sex-for-an-hour/