Best Dating Apps for Relationships

• Coffee Meets Bagel
• Match
• The League
• Bumble
• Elite Singles
• OkCupid 
• Once . 

Dating apps were created to make finding your next relationship easier. With so many different platforms to choose from (and plenty of members signed on for a good time, not a long time), trying to find a match who's here for the right reasons can feel kind of impossible. If you're starting to get burned out from your online search for "the one," it might be time to reevaluate your strategy — and the apps that you're using — in order to find her. If this sounds a lot like your current online dating life, it's time to rethink the process and platforms you've become accustomed to, and try using something new.

We asked a few dating experts for their best tips and advice on which dating apps will help you find a match who's also looking for commitment. Here are some recommendations for the best apps to use if you're ready to settle down, along with a few smart strategies that will help you find her in no time.

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Finding a Serious Relationship

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Are you done with the awkward hookups and unsatisfying one-night stands? Do you yearn to spend time with someone you care about, and are excited to see on a regular basis? Are you looking to be attracted to someone's mind and spirit, rather than just their body? These are signs that you're ready for a serious relationship, and in the age of hookup culture, that can be confusing.

How do you separate the potential relationship partners from all the casual daters? How do you put yourself out there without getting hurt? Nowadays, one of the easiest ways to find a relationship involves using the right dating apps for your needs, and screening out those people who aren't looking for a relationship. Below, you'll find advice on how to do that, as well as which apps offer you the best chance of finding a significant other.

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How to Use Dating Apps to Find a Serious Relationship

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If you're struggling to find what you want on a dating app (read: someone who's interested in finding a serious relationship), one challenge you may be up against is that you're not sure what your matches are looking for. Elena Murzello, author of "The Love List: A Guide to Getting What You Want," says to take a cue from this, and make your own intentions clear on your profile. "Saying, 'I'm interested in marriage and settling down immediately' comes across too strong," she says, "but something like, 'I'm looking for a committed relationship' opens up the conversation." When writing your bio, Murzello says to keep it short and sweet, and include what a potential long term partner would want to know about you. "Complete a solid profile. Having photos that showcase your personality is key: Do they invite others to want to get to know the real you? Keep in mind that no one has time to read a novel, so write succinctly and include your interests!"

RELATED: Best Dating Apps for Hooking Up

As far as determining whether or not your matches are here for the real thing, Murzello says a picture's worth a thousand words. "Look at the photos carefully," she suggests. "Are these all half-naked photos? Maybe the person is looking for a hot hookup. Are they half drunken photos? She's probably partying and not looking for something serious." Low-quality photos or profiles without a bio are also signs that this person isn't putting much effort in, and isn't looking for something serious.

The time of day or night that you're typically chatting with a match can also be a telltale sign of what she's looking for. "Pay attention to when they're making conversation with you," says Lauren Levine, dating expert and co-host of The Margarita Confessionals. "Is it during the workday when they're bored and trying to pass the time? Is it really late at night? This is probably someone who's not looking for a relationship. Also, the conversation should have substance to it. If it's just, 'How was your weekend?' or 'What are you doing today?' for days on end, they're probably not looking to get to know you on a deeper level."

Levine says to also keep this rule of thumb in mind when you're messaging matches. "If they have a real conversation and want to get to know you as well, they're probably interested in something more," she says. "If you're getting one-line responses, they're probably not trying to invest in someone. Also, meet up as soon as you feel comfortable. It's so much easier to understand what someone is like and what they're looking for when you're with them face to face."

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The Best Dating Apps for Relationships

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Coffee Meets Bagel

The more potential matches you have, the more likely it is that you're going to find the right woman for you, right? According to James Anderson, dating expert at Beyond Ages, this way of thinking can actually end up backfiring when you're in the market for something more serious. "Many dating apps and dating sites are essentially a numbers game," he says. "You look through hundreds of profiles, message dozens of people, and maybe get a few dates. With Coffee Meets Bagel things are very different. You receive a daily match that is properly filtered to be in line with what you are looking for. Since you only get one match a day, each person actually takes the time to review the match instead of making a decision in two seconds based on the photo."

Check out Coffee Meets Bagel 

Match.com

 .You've seen the commercials, you've heard the success stories, and while you've probably toyed with the idea of putting money behind your search for a relationship, you still haven't pulled the trigger. If you haven't recognized the theme here, let us be straightforward with you: The more involved a dating app is, the less likely users will use it for low-commitment casual encounters. There are plenty of functionalities you get with Match that make the process more straightforward, from algorithms that point out similarities when viewing profiles to the ability to upload more than a handful of photos, so that you get a fuller picture of the person you're chatting with.

Check out Match.com

The League

The League operates under a similar limited match system as Coffee Meets Bagel. In fact, you may even have to wait to sign up, whether that's a few days or a few months depending on the user base available where you live. After you jump through those hoops, you're given three matches per day based on the preferences that you outline, which include proximity and age. While getting started on The League can take a while, the app’s acceptance process does ensure that the people using it are taking it seriously. The League will actually kick inactive users off after two weeks, which ensures the people you're matching with are actually using it.

Check out The League 

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Bumble

Online dating burnout can happen to anyone, but for relationship-focused women who are getting grimy messages sent to their dating app inboxes on the regular, this can end up making them throw the towel in. Bumble combats this by making the app's messaging features ladies' choice. "One of the biggest turn offs from online dating is that women are absolutely bombarded with messages from guys," explains Anderson. "This can turn a lot of eligible women off and lead to some uneven power dynamics with many online sites. With Bumble, once you match with a potential partner the woman must make the first move. This allows for a better experience for women, a high quality of users, and overall a better experience for everyone."

Check out Bumble

Elite Singles

If you're tired of trying to determine your compatibility with potential matches based on a few photos and the three emojis they include in their bio, look no further than Elite Singles. In order to sign up, members need to complete a comprehensive personality test, which is then used to identify matches in your area. After you're signed up, the site sources 7-10 potential matches per day, which eliminates the time suck of swiping back and forth, and makes for a more commitment-oriented user base (because no one in their right mind is going to spend 45 minutes on a questionnaire if they're just trying to get lucky).

Check out Elite Singles

OkCupid

In case you haven't been paying attention to billboard ads, the O.G. dating site OkCupid is having a rebranding moment, positioning themselves as a relationship-focused app. This means chances are high that single women in your area have recently re-downloaded this app in hopes that this isn't some false advertising. Commercials aside, there are features on OkCupid that lend well to finding a match that's looking for the same level of commitment you are. For starters, the platform features a more comprehensive profile, which allows members to fill out their interests, what their typical Friday night looks like and what they're doing with their lives, giving you a more well-rounded idea of who you're chatting with. You can also search using keywords (think "commitment" or "looking for something serious"). Depending on how many questions your match has answered on issues that are typically off the table for first date talk like politics and religion, you're also given a percentage of compatibility to see what your odds are.

Check out OkCupid

Once

Similar to Coffee Meets Bagel (and true to its name), Once gives you one match per day based on your preferences. You also won't come across any blurry, low quality photos on the app, since there's a team that verifies each profile photo uploaded to ensure it's of good quality (which can take up to 24 hours). While not as extensive as some of the other apps on this list, there are a list of questions you'll have to answer in order for the app to start curating potential matches. Your daily match expires within 24 hours, which means users stay engaged in order to make sure they don't miss out.

Check out Once 

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  Source: https://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/best-dating-apps-for-relationships.html

How to Meet New People Organically

Ditch the Dating App: 6 Tips for Meeting People IRL

You’re out at the bar on a Friday night with your buddies when you happen to see an absolute stunner sitting across the way. After the initial shock and awe wears off, your next thought might be, “They’re perfect, but there’s no way I can just walk up to them. What would I even say?”

RELATED: Ways to Meet Women Outside of Bars

With apps out there like Tinder, Bumble and eHarmony, meeting someone organically — that is, face-to-face without having had any prior interaction whatsoever — can seem more daunting than ever. On a dating app, you have the luxury of scoping a potential partner out, as well as engaging in small talk that’ll help get those introductory things out of the way. You’re also able to gauge whether or not you actually want to take the time to meet this individual in-person.

Contrast that with meeting someone organically, not knowing a single thing about the person you’re about to approach aside from their looks, and it’s easy to see why the prospect might appear terrifying. Your mind starts thinking of all the ways it could potentially go wrong. The questions start, and despite trying, they never let up: Should I offer to buy them a drink? Is it best to start with a compliment? How do I make sure I don’t come off as creepy? Why does life have to be so hard?

If you’d rather prioritize meeting someone in real life over chatting behind a phone screen, here are a few tips and tricks from relationship expert April Masini that may help things work in your favor when meeting organically.

 Accept That It Probably Won’t Go the Way You’re Picturing

For better or worse, the interaction you have with this attractive stranger will not end up going the way you imagine. Sure, they could be super easy to talk to, in which case you might nab yourself a first date without much effort ... or you could get completely stonewalled, in which case, hey, at least you tried. Either way, the point is just to roll with it.

“The best way to approach someone in real life is to embrace all facets of real life,” says Masini. “You can’t control everything. Things will go wrong. And the beauty of life is in finding your sense of humor, and being charming — meaning rolling with the punches and making things go as well as they can.”

Don’t Wait Around for the Perfect Moment

If you see someone you’re interested in, don’t waste time building up courage before you approach them. There’s no such thing as a perfect moment, and there’s no time like the present. Plus, it isn’t exactly helpful to spend more time psyching yourself out than you need to.

“If you’re at a coffee shop, start the banter and offer to buy her a muffin to go with her latte,” suggests Masini. “If all goes well, exchange contact information and make a date. This is a lot more streamlined than … trying to find her at the same coffee shop on another day when you’ve got your courage, and coming back on subsequent days if you don’t see her again. Strike while the striking is easy.”

Look for Someone Where You Regularly Spend Your Time

Without even realizing it, your usual routine likely sees you at a lot of the same places on a regular basis. Is it possible there is dating potential right in front of your eyes that you hadn’t exactly noticed before?

Look where you naturally find yourself already. As Masini points out, “This may mean the gym, your church or spiritual place of worship, the market, your dry cleaner, restaurants you frequent, bars you frequent, the dentist’s office, public transportation, or your office. Once you get off your apps and open your eyes, you may find lots of people you want to date and never noticed.”

Different Approach, Different Results


Bad luck in the realm of IRL dating could mean it’s time to switch some things up, if just a little bit. You don’t have to drastically alter the way you live your life — just take the time to tweak some of the small things.

“If you’re flying, book the middle seat,” says Masini. “It’s less comfortable, but you have two chances of having someone interesting sitting next to you. Using Uber? Try Uber Pool instead of riding as a sole passenger. You may find someone interesting hops in with you. Say yes to invitations for dinners and parties that you usually say no to.”

It could even be something as small as telling family members that you’re in the market. “[If] your aunt and uncle have friends with children your age,” adds Masini, “let them know you’re looking.”


Don’t Be Afraid to Make Big Changes, Too

Whether you’ve been contemplating dance lessons or joining a book club, taking that leap (if you want to call it that) can lead to completely unexpected results — and yes, that includes finding a potential romantic partner.

“Hire a trainer who has other clients, and who works in a nice gym,” suggests Masini. “You’ll meet others doing the same. Join a club where there’s golf or tennis with people you do and don’t know. Go to clubs and ask people to dance.”

You could also “take vacations in groups [or] pop in to your city’s museums alone, and stare at art until someone interesting comes up next to you to stare, as well,” she adds.

Remember to Smile

To ensure you come off like a completely friendly, approachable person, put the technology down every now and then. It’s never a bad idea to flash those pearly whites at people you pass in the street.

“Most people go about their days with their heads down, their iPhones humming and their fingers flying as they scroll through emails and send texts,” says Masini. “Put the device away and try smiling at people as you go about your day. It’s one of the best gateway behaviors to meeting new people.”

Getting out of your comfort zone and putting yourself out there is often the best way to meet new people outside the confines of online dating. You never know what those social opportunities may yield until you throw yourself into them. At worst, you get rejected, but live to see another day; at best, you’re putting a ring on it a few years down the road.

So really, what’s to lose by taking a chance?


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Source: https://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/how-to-meet-new-people-organically.html

Qualities Women Look For In A Man

The Most Important Qualities Women Look For In A Guy, Ranked

If you're single, it can often seem like other guys have all the luck. The world seems to be full of couples, and looking at the guy who's dating someone you wish you were dating, often you'll wonder -- "What does he have that I don't?"

Some guys will say, "Women always go for jerks, and nice guys finish last," as a means of dismissing men that women find attractive. And while it may be true that some women are into the stereotypical mysterious bad boy who's emotionally unavailable and treats them poorly, most women would rather date someone with positive qualities to bring to the relationship.

So if you're a man interested in dating women and being the best possible partner to them, knowing which qualities women find most attractive can be a crucial step in moving from single to being in a relationship.

You don't want to waste your time on things most women don't actually care that much about -- like getting a shredded gym body or having tons of money -- while neglecting the things that matter most, like listening, being honest and having a good sense of humor.

There's an old trope that says that it's difficult to figure out what women want and that women are notoriously hard to please.

You can decide whether that's a boring stereotype or the cold, hard truth, but all the women we asked about this issue were decisive about what they wanted out of a man, and the same themes cropped up again and again in those conversations.

We distilled these desirable traits down to 10 core qualities that women repeatedly rated as the primary things they look for in a man.


Every single one of us have areas we can improve on, so don't despair if all these traits sound like a lofty target. All you need to do is make a good faith effort to be a solid partner; improving gradually in all of the above areas.

The plus-side is that the qualities on this list will make you a more well-rounded, well-liked person in general, so it's not just something to do to improve your chances of landing a date or getting into a relationship -- do it for yourself, too, to simply help you become a better man.


So, without further ado, read on for the top 10 qualities women want men to have, and how you can start showing them:

10. Be Passionate & Adventurous


The word "adventurous" came up for many of the women we surveyed about their favorite qualities in men, but the more we pressed them, the more it became clear they wanted an open-minded man rather than a mountaineer or sky diver.


For Ellen, 30, "adventurous" means a man who "likes to do and see new things and isn't afraid of change, the unexpected... or spiders." She goes on to add that "they should be willing to try new things and entertain new points of view." For Louise, 38, it's as simple as being willing to join her out on the dance floor even if you're not a Justin Bieber yourself: "They don't even need to be a good dancer, they just need to be up for joining me out there without putting their own feelings about dancing first."


Being adventurous is also about changing up the daily routine to keep the relationship interesting: "It's very important that someone actually wants to get out of the house and be willing to experience things," Miriam clarifies. "That doesn't just mean holidays, it's as simple as going to the park or going to a new restaurant or art gallery."

To become more adventurous, take a mental stock of the things you find yourself doing every weekend, and see if there's room to change it up a little bit. Could you get brunch at a different spot with your girl this weekend? Are there any shows on that she might be interested in? Could you do something with her that you'd never normally do, like attend a painting class together or go salsa dancing? You might end up enjoying yourself more than you think, and she'll be a walking heart-eye emoji because of it.


9. Be Intelligent


"Nobody wants to date a dummy," says Naina, frankly, and it's true – intelligence rates highly as a quality women desire in men. "I'm not saying you have to operate on Einstein's level," she continues, "but you should probably be able to hold a conversation that extends beyond, 'Yo girl, are you hungry?'"


However, a lot of women stressed the importance of a man not being arrogant about his intelligence. Ellen, for example, emphasized that she wants a man who is "bright, but not a mansplainer!"; that is, she doesn't want a man who treats women as though they are feeble-minded children who need to have everything explained to them in a condescending way.


So, what does this look like? For Ellen, it means being "Interested and interesting; holding your own in a conversation about things that you're passionate about, but not trying to dominate it; and being enthusiastic and open-minded in learning things you don't know much about." For Priyanka, 34, intelligence is a key attribute, but she only wants "men who speak to me as an equal and don't condescend to me in my line of work."


So, if you're not an expert on a topic, don't pretend to be -- intelligent people don't actually do this! Instead, listen intently and ask thoughtful questions, especially if you know you're a wee bit out of your depth. If you're talking about a topic you're passionate and knowledgable about, make sure you're being engaging and interesting, rather than condescending and insufferable! Be sure to read about subjects that aren't your usual go-to areas of interest to develop a well-rounded intellect, too.


8. Be Patient

When we surveyed women on things that they find sexy, a lot of women said that they pay close attention to how men treat service workers. Ces, 29, distills exactly what quality this embodies: patience.


"OK, my thing is patience," she begins. "Not in the "love is patient, love is kind" sense; day-to-day patience. nobody enjoys waiting in traffic, in a queue, for a package, at the bar, for a text, for service at a restaurant, et cetera, but when a man handles that kinda stuff gracefully, it's a huge turn on."


"It's a sign of two things to me," she continues. "The first is emotional maturity. You're a grown man, so you don't tap your card on the bar waiting for service; you don't huff and tut and stamp your feet at the post office. You wait patiently and be courteous, because you know that waiting is a part of life. The second thing it shows is empathy. Again, you're a grown man, so you don't click your fingers at a waiter or bark at customer service rep for how long you waited on hold, because you know that the people serving you are people just like you who are doing their best and that if you were in their position you wouldn't want to be treated that way."


Patience might seem like one of those things you either have or you don't, but that's not true at all. Like all of the qualities on this list, it's possible to cultivate it with deliberate practice. "I know that everyone gets frustrated, but the way I try to be better at it is imagining how my reaction is going to look to a stranger before reacting," Ces suggests. "No woman is going to see you stamp your feet at a cafe and think "that's hot". I also think about how much it actually matters. Is a date going to be ruined if your drinks take an extra ten minutes? Smile and make a joke about it. It's gentlemanly. Clark Gable wouldn't have a tantrum at the post office, you know what I mean?"


7. Be Honest & Dependable

In unsurprising news, honesty is a widely cherished quality among women. "I'm pretty sure there's no human out there who will deny the importance of this virtue, and with good reason," Naina says. "Your partner is someone you invest time, effort and emotion into and having these wasted when you find out that he has been pulling the snapback over your eyes the whole time stings."


Honesty and dependability aren't just about being faithful, though it's a wider category than that. For Naina, that means "being crystal clear about things" and clearing up your expectations in the beginning, so you're not leaving her hanging or promising something you can never give.


Being honest also means being clear in your communication throughout the entire relationship. So, if issues arise, deal with them up front. "When a guy has the ability to communicate their concerns and desires honestly, life is 110% easier," Miriam explains. "Simmering resentments and vulnerabilities are dealt with at the time and both parties can reach a compromise."


It's often difficult to communicate honestly because you may feel as though your partner's feelings will be hurt, but it's possible to phrase things carefully and without placing blame. Practice communicating openly, honestly and undefensively, and make sure you're cultivating an environment where she can do the same.


6. Have Shared Values

It's crucially important in any relationship that you share core values and principles, so it's no surprise that shared values was a key attribute that many women mentioned. This doesn't mean being the exact same person or having the same opinion on everything; rather, it's about having the same basic idea of wrong and right, even if you quibble about the surface-level details.


"You don't have to be two peas in a pod but you need to be growing in the same garden," Charlotte says. "Shared values are really the foundation of a relationship. This isn't a fake it 'til you make it scenario, either: you should know what you value, so make it known. As long as there are more hits than misses it will work. The idea isn't to mould into but rather compliment each other, and shared values serves this purpose perfectly."


This is an area to clear up pretty early in the relationship. It's okay if you have different political and philosophical views, but if she's a diehard socialist and you're an arch capitalist, for example -- or if she's a staunch atheist and you're a committed Christian -- you're going to need to talk seriously and frankly about whether you have enough shared ground to make things work. Make sure you both agree on the right way to live and what counts as good and bad behavior, and you shouldn't go too far wrong.


5. Be Thoughtful & Generous


Thoughtfulness is a key quality in all relationships, but especially so in romantic partnerships. Thoughtfulness involves small gestures that show you respect and listen to your partner, and this is a way to remind her that you care about her without needing to go over-the-top with flowers and chocolates every day.


"Recognizing that she prefers salt to pepper, remembering she hates a particular topping on her pizza, knowing which little buttons to push to get her going: acknowledging minuscule details like these will result in maximum happiness, because it's no small thing when she knows that you're paying attention to all the tiniest things about her," Naina, 25, explains.

"Small kindnesses based upon really listening and paying attention, making your partner feel like you really ‘get’ her, are important," Amy agrees. "In general, women are more intuitive and probably better at small, thoughtful gestures, so make a point of taking care of small things – sending snacks to her desk or giving her a foot rub when she’s ranting about a long day. It sounds corny, but suss out little things that will be appreciated and do them. Often."


4. Be Empathetic

Empathy pops up again and again as a quality women are desperately seeking in men. For Ellen, that means being "sincere in your concern for other people, animals and the planet, and thinking of others and going out of your way to make sure they're happy and at ease."


For Amy, it's about never gaslighting her. Gaslighting is a psychological term which refers to the phenomenon of constantly denying another person's lived experience to the point that it makes them feel crazy and makes them doubt their own perception of reality (the term comes from a play called Gas Light in which a husband constantly tinkers with the lighting levels but then denies that he's touched the lamp at all, driving his wife insane).


The term "gaslighting" was originally confined to discussions about abusive relationships in which men lie and deliberately manipulate their partners to the point that it drives them insane, but it's often now used to describe the more commonplace practice of denying that a woman's lived experience is real or valid.


Red flags that signal that you may be gaslighting your partner are constantly saying things like "this is all in your head" or "that's not what happened at all". To avoid this, bear in mind that your way of seeing a situation isn't the only possible read on it, and listen to your partner in good faith when she tells you how things appear from her perspective. It's okay to clarify that she got things wrong or misread your intentions, but never flatly deny her reality or tell her that she's "crazy" or "psycho." Listening is big here, so refer back to that section if you need to.

3. Be Confident About Your Appearance


Good looks are something you're either born with or you're not, and besides, they didn't top the list for any of the women we asked (honestly!). But an attention to detail rated highly as a desirable quality, and this mostly manifested in the form of guys who smell good and take care of their appearance and surroundings.


"A carefully-chosen cologne will perform miracles in terms of your memorability and general allure," explains Jen, 30, and Grace adds: "I KNOW you can master smelling good! Get some Kiehls body wash and a signature cologne and you're set!"


For Amy, 26, it's about your environment, too: "I’m attracted to men who make their habitat attractive. It’s hard to be sexy if you’re not comfortable, and there are too many greying, flat or lumpy pillows out here. Respect your bed if you want it to be place where the magic happens: make it, clothe it in Egyptian cotton and up your duvet game. Lighting a damn candle won’t kill you! And if you can’t keep a cactus alive that probably doesn’t bode well for a relationship with a human woman."


As Amy suggests, this isn't just a superficial requirement: close attention to detail gives important clues as to how you'll treat your partner, so make sure you're projecting the right impression. Ensure you're well-dressed (think 'signature style' rather than 'decked out in expensive designer gear'); clean and tidy (trimmed beard or clean-shaven, fresh breath, smelling good) and have clean surroundings (clear your beard trimmings out of the sink, clean the toilet, have a tidy bedroom -- you know the drill!).


 2. Be A Good Listener

The ability to listen comes up so often as a prized trait for women that it's amazing more men aren't tapping into this area. "The obvious thing that is attractive is listening," says Grace, 30. "As in, guys who listen to what you say and ask open-ended questions to show they are actually engaged, interested and want to know more."


"It's attractive if a guy is comfortable listening to someone else speak without interrupting," Ellen adds. "Especially if they don't feel the need to strategize solutions for every problem; they're happy to just listen." This is one quality which will really make you stand out amongst other men, because, as Ellen says, "I don't encounter this quality in that many men, to be honest."


Hannah, 39, echoes the sentiment, and clarifies particular areas to pay attention to: "When they ask about stuff like your family and life before that point, then can recall details about what you said later, it makes you feel like they care, and that all of you might mean something to them."


So, make sure you're not just hearing the words being said, but really absorbing them to the point that you can recall them at a later point -- she'll definitely be impressed by this, because it's a rare quality. You can also practice active listening by allowing her to vent to you without trying to immediately problem-solve or tell her why things aren't so bad. Practice saying things like "That sucks, babe" and "I'm really sorry that happened" -- you'll be amazed how much she'll appreciate this.

1. Be Humorous

This one is a no-brainer and will come as a surprise to pretty much no-one: women like funny men. Wittiness is a universally-admired trait and women consistently report a good sense of humor as being one of their biggest turn ons. For example, Ellen, 30, says it's a turn-on when guys "can have a laugh, enjoy making others laugh, and don't take themselves too seriously."


However, there's more to impressing women than being a non-stop joke machine, especially if your repertoire is full of fart jokes and lazy stereotypes. "To put it bluntly, I want witty, intelligent humor, and it doesn't come naturally to everyone," says Charlotte, 25. "Witty people are winners: there are few faults or flaws that wit can't cover, and a witty sense of humor ranks highly for me."


Part of having a good sense of humor is not always being the joke-cracker, but also appreciating when other people are funny, too, including the woman you're seeing. "Remember you're trying to appeal to her sense of humor, not yours," Charlotte elaborates. "Also, don't forget that she could be just as funny (or funnier!) than you -- don't compete and don't repeat the joke, just laugh and appreciate her humor."


Being able to make your partner laugh also means that serious topics can be handled with a touch of levity. "Things communicated with a sense of wit and humor are much easier to swallow and it's always very important to be able to be laugh and be silly," says Miriam, 29.

Humor is an area where it's important not to try to hard, but you can improve your chances of making your partner laugh by paying close attention to what she finds genuinely funny, and also by noticing when she's simply throwing a sympathy chuckle in your direction. Avoid falling back on snark and sarcasm constantly -- and don't forget to appreciate her jokes, too.

Source: https://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/qualities-women-look-for-in-a-man.html

Sex Tips for Your Marriage

When it comes to marriage, the common dream is that you die peacefully in each other’s arms via spontaneous romantic heart failure at the ripe, old age of 100, having led a life together that was full, and warm and loving.

In reality, things are usually much different, and one of the biggest things that guys seem to struggle with when it comes to marriage — if pop culture and Google searches are to be believed — is married sex.

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As the story goes, once you’re good and married, the sexual passion that once inflamed your relationship’s early days begins to dwindle (if it hasn’t already). Add things like bills, kids and career woes to the mix, and you have a decidedly non-sexy scenario lined up.

This person probably sees you at your best and worst, day in and day out. You can’t pull tricks like you used to, tidying up for their arrival, and you can’t really pretend you’re someone you’re not after all these years.

The beauty of love is that you know each other, but that’s still a daunting proposition when so much of sexual attraction and arousal seems to hinge on how sexy people are when we don’t fully know them, when they’re a blank slate we can project our fantasies onto.

So how do you make married sex … well, sexy? How do you make it fun, spontaneous, naughty and exciting all in one? The truth is, there’s no single answer. Every couple is different, and different things will work for different couples.

To help narrow it down, here are 10 generalized tips for amping up the sex in your marriage — both in terms of quality and in terms of quantity — to keep your life as a husband a happy one.

1. Be a Better Husband Around the Home

What’d you expect, a suggestion to buy a sex toy? The real hack to having more sex is being someone your spouse wants to have sex with. That starts with showing them you care about the marriage by taking on your fair share of responsibilities.

“When you help out around the house, especially without being asked — say, you can see the trash is full, or dishes in the sink — your wife understands you care about her and your home,” says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., psychotherapist and author of “How to Be Happy Partners: Working It Out Together.”

“Letting her know you see what she does, and thanking her for doing the laundry or cooking a good meal, as well as doing it yourself, makes her feel connected to you; you’re partners. That brings her close to you.”

There’s nothing less sexy for many people than watching the person they married turn into someone who expects them to do everything around the home. Even if you’re the primary (or sole) breadwinner, putting in a concerted effort to pull your weight on the homefront can make a huge difference in how sexy you seem.

After all, women find lots of non-sexual things sexy, and a guy who takes care of basic chores and responsibilities ranks high on the list.

2. Lower Your Spouse’s Stress Levels

One of the biggest drains on a couple’s sex life can be stress. Not only is stress a bad sign about how the rest of your life is going, simply being stressed can drastically lower someone’s sex drive.

That’s because stress impacts your hormones — and can seriously inhibit the hormones that help regulate arousal. Meaning, any potential for getting turned on is already nipped in the bud when you’re super stressed out.

Making stress reduction a priority in the marriage can not only help those feelings of arousal flow more freely, but your spouse will be more likely to appreciate your focus on helping them get unblocked.

“A married guy helping to reduce his wife's (or spouse's) stress levels can have a big positive impact on their sex life, and enjoy secondary gains by deepening the established marital trust,” says Dr. Fran Walfish, a Beverly Hills-based couples, relationship and family psychologist and author of “The Self-Aware Parent.”

“When your spouse feels safe, cared for, and trusts you she opens her body and soul to you in deeper ways, including sexually. She wants to be closer and more intimate with you.” 

3. Talk About Sex Together


If you’re really unsatisfied with your sex life, at some point, you need to have a conversation about it.

“As strange as it may feel and as difficult as it can be, the most important part of improving your sex life is to talk to your partner,” says Kayla Lords, sexpert for JackAndJillAdult.com. “That means sharing what’s good and what’s not working. It also means listening to your partner’s concerns, needs and desires. You both have to give up the belief that the other ‘should just know’ [...] what you want and need. They don’t know until you tell them — and sometimes you have to tell them multiple times and in multiple ways before they understand.”

You might cringe at the thought if you feel married sex should be organic and spontaneous, but if it’s already difficult, it’s not going to magically get easier. You solve this like you solve any other marital problem — by putting the work in … together.

“You and your spouse may have to navigate whatever shame or stigma you’ve been taught about sex,” notes Lords. “For some people even talking about sex is shameful and that makes it even more difficult ... [but doing so] “allows you both to put away assumptions and deal with what’s actually going on.” 

4. Consider Talking About Sex With a Professional

The next step? Bring in a third party, whether that’s a therapist or counselor.

“In almost every realm of your life [...], you likely turn to experts for guidance and support,” says Jess O’Reilly, host of the “@SexWithDrJess”podcast. “Sex and relationships, however, remains the exception. A sex therapist or marriage counsellor can offer a range of support and tools to improve relationship satisfaction and fulfillment. A professional may be able to help you to more clearly identify, understand and communicate your own needs, desires and boundaries.”

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So if you’ve tried talking one-on-one and it hasn’t gotten you anywhere, it’s time to ask for help from someone who genuinely knows what they’re doing. Among many other things, they can also help you work through any shame or insecurity you have around sex.

But whatever you do, don’t let your spouse’s reluctance end the discussion.

“If your partner won’t go to therapy with you, go on your own,” adds O’Reilly. “Don’t use their unwillingness to attend as an excuse to avoid personal growth and accountability for yourself.”

5. Intentionally Schedule Quality Time in the Bedroom

Despite feeling that sex should be organic and spontaneous, sometimes, busy schedules take over. The reality is that sometimes, you just have to buckle down and put time aside in your calendar for sex.

“We schedule everything in our lives, and just because something is scheduled doesn’t mean that parts of it can’t be spontaneous,” says O’Reilly. “Just as food doesn’t magically appear in your mouth (you have to plan to cook, order in or go out to eat), but you can still switch from Thai to Chinese at the last minute, so too can you balance planning and spontaneity in your sex life.”

That doesn’t mean you set an agenda with minute-by-minute plans for what you’re doing. Instead, it just means you recognize that without some concerted planning effort, it can be easy for sex to slip by the wayside when other, seemingly more pressing demands are piling up.

“You might take turns scheduling sex or plan to have sex on a specific day, but leave the specific window of time more flexible,” points out O’Reilly.

6. Make Your Spouse Feel Desired

One thing that might be holding your sex life back is if your spouse just isn’t feeling sexy anymore. Over the years, people’s bodies change, and feeling like you no longer meet the standards of beauty you used to can be a real blow to a person’s sexual self esteem.

“Don’t get unrealistically focused on appearances,” cautions Tessina. “Focus on how you feel about your partner. [...] You can happily have sex with each other into your dotage if you learn to accept the changes that come with age. You may no longer be beautiful people, but you can have a lot more love, sex and fun [...] if you are comfortable with your inevitable changes.”

One way you can make your spouse feel sexy and special? Bring a little bit of romance back into your relationship.

“When you’re married and living together, it is too easy to let romance slide,” says Tessina. “For most of us, ‘romance’ is important to some degree in encouraging a sexual mood. The relaxed anticipation produced by the right music, soft lights and sweet words makes an ideal atmosphere for intimacy, which leads to verbal and physical affection. As well, simply making time to remind your partner that you find them attractive, arousing or sexy can go a long way towards helping them feel that way themselves.” 

7. Make Yourself Feel Desirable

Of course, it’s possible what’s holding your sex life back is your own feelings of not being sexy.

“If you feel body shame and worry that your partner judges you during sex, it will cause performance anxiety and distract you from the moment,” says sex educator Kenneth Play “If you have body image issues, you'll be worried about positioning yourself in ways that are more attractive, or sucking in your belly or the light being too bright — which will all detract from your ability to actually focus on the sex.”

Dealing with enough experiences like that would make anyone associate sex with frustration, embarrassment or awkwardness — and then start finding excuses to avoid it.

If that’s the case, it might be time to start working on your own self-image. That might mean working out and getting back in shape, coming to terms with how you look and loving it regardless or a combination thereof. But being able to feel genuinely good about yourself can definitely have a big impact on your sex life.

“If you're more confident in yourself and have good self-esteem about your body image, you'll be able to focus on having sex with your [spouse], your mutual pleasure and connecting,” adds Play. “Also, confidence is just sexy.”

8. Engage in Lots of Foreplay

Lots of people think of sex as being primarily about penetration, but that’s an incomplete picture of what sex is (and can be). One of the best things you can do for your sex life, especially if your spouse is a woman, is to amp up the role that foreplay plays in the bedroom.

“When you have a long-term relationship, responsive desire is the most reliable form of desire,” notes Play. “It's backwards to think that in long-term relationships if you look at your partner and don't get aroused, you must not want sex. But especially for heterosexual women, responsive desire, which is arousal via responding to stimuli, is much more reliable and how things often work.”

In short, it’s easier to get your partner interested if you start slow rather than expect them to already be ready for penetration.

“Foreplay helps kickstart responsive desire,” adds Play. “It's the equivalent of smelling fresh-baked cookies and then salivating for them. Foreplay wakes up a dormant desire in your partner. A good sex life in a marriage needs good foreplay and non-penetrative sex skills because they will ignite desire and deepen arousal,” suggesting a sensual massage to kick things off. 

9. Try Kinky New Things


While trying fresh things (like kink or BDSM play) can mean unlocking a world of sexual potential, the important thing is to build on what you already like.

“If you enjoy a little spanking during rough sex, then you might enjoy spankings in other ways,” says Lords. “As part of role play, with a toy like a paddle, or a spanking for no reason other than you both like it.”

Whatever you do, make it a journey where you explore together — don’t spring it on them.

“Find a time when you’re both calm, relatively relaxed and fully clothed,” she adds. “Ask to set a time to talk about it. [...] You don’t know how your partner will react to your kinky desire, but the answer will nearly always be ‘no’ if you ask at the wrong time.”

Similarly, it’s best not to go all in on a new fetish immediately.

“You shouldn’t jump into the deep end the first time,” cautions Lords. “Instead of trying anal sex when neither of you have ever had anything in your butt, start with a finger or a small butt plug. Whatever kinky thing you want to do, start slow and build your way up to the fantasy in your head.”

10. Change Your Expectations


At the end of the day, perhaps the biggest impact you can have on your sex life is to work on accepting it as it is, and resetting what you’re expecting out of it instead of struggling to change it to meet your expectations.

It’s normal for a couple’s sexual habits to change over the course of a marriage. Unfortunately, expecting things to stay the same over the course of years and decades just isn’t realistic.

Sure, if you’re in a slump, there are lots of things you can do to make things more exciting or more romantic, but you’ll never be able to perfectly recreate the sex you had when you just met — and that’s normal!

Recognizing what your marriage does bring to the table, and not frustrated by what it doesn’t, means you’ll be able to appreciate what you have a lot more instead of trying to make it match up with an unrealistic standard.

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Source: https://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-10-ways-to-get-your-wife-to-have-sex-with-you.html