20 Different Ways to Successfully Find Love in 2020

How to Get Out There and Find the One for You in the New Year

There's this common belief that falling in love is something that just happens to us. Despite all our efforts, there's nothing we can truly do except hope that the next person we meet is "the one."
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Sure, it might just be a type of right place, right time situation when it comes to meeting the person you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with, but that doesn’t mean you can’t stack the deck in your favor. There are plenty of ways to cast yourself in the best light, increasing your chances for meeting the person who completes you.
If your 2020 resolution is to finally find the right person, you've come to the right place. Here are 20 expert tips for finding love this year.

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20 Different Ways to Successfully Find Love in 2020

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1. Put Yourself Out There

This might be the most common advice people doled out when it comes to finding love. In fact, you may be reading this thinking, "How much more could I possibly be out there?" Well, putting yourself out there goes beyond just simple things like visibility on dating apps or frequenting your corner bar.
"Create more opportunities for you to meet other people, learn new things, and generally improve and expand your life," says relationship expert Amy Hartle. "These should be things you actually WANT to do; activities you actually have an interest in. When you focus on doing the things you love, the right person will come into your life – not only because you're putting yourself out there and taking chances, but because when you're focused on the things you love, you become the best version of yourself. A potential partner gets to see you in your element."

2. Take a Class

"Education improves who you are and exposes you to not only potential partners who may be in the class, but many others who are around the educational facility," says relationship therapist Andrew Aaron. "Those who value education also share many other good values and thereby increasing the chance to meet someone special of high quality."

3. Perform Volunteer Work

What's a cause you truly care about? Volunteering helps to improve your overall mood and self-esteem, and connects you with others who share the same values.
"Unlike on a dating website or Tinder where deception and distortion are easy, participating in a group effort actually takes a commitment – something that separates those who are low in motivation from those who are vital, ambitious and determined," says Aaron.

4. Be Open to Finding Love in All Different Places

Opportunity waits for no man, so don't be afraid to strike up a conversation with a potential match at the grocery store, on an airplane or anywhere you meet someone who catches your eye.
"Being open can mean something as simple as making eye contact with others," says therapist Lauren Cook. "As you enter 2020, commit to actually 'seeing' other people in the new year by looking at those around you."

5. Network With Dates Who Didn’t Work Out

This may seem like strange advice, but according to marriage and family therapist Dana McNeil, the more you expand your social circle, the more likely it is you'll meet someone.
"If you and a date don’t work out having a love match, but you really like the person and their character, there is no reason you can’t help each other to network your perspective groups of friends or family members," she says. "If you are both able to be mature and acknowledge that a love connection isn’t happening for the two of you, why not put your collective network to good use and consider if there is someone that either of you knows who might be a good match?"

6. Ask People in Your Life to Set You Up

"It is very likely the people you admire and genuinely care for in your world hang out with and have a close relationship with other admirable and quality people who may also be looking for a new love," says McNeil. "Letting your network (co-workers, neighbors, colleagues, etc.) know you are open to and interested in meeting some new people this year is just reinforcing your efforts with help from a community who probably has your back, and wants to help you find the best match."

7. Leave Selfies and Filters in 2019

Speaking of online dating profiles, start putting your true self out there in 2020.
"Dating profiles that are filled with selfies make that person look like they have no social life, or like they love themselves more than anyone else ever could," says dating profile writer Eric Resnick. "You don't need a ton of group shots in your profile, but have your friend's take some pics for you. You are going to have a much more natural smile when you are relaxing with your friends than when you are trying to look at the screen with one eye and at the lens with the other."

8. Don't Just "Spray and Pray" Online Dating Messages

Sending out the same message to hundreds of potential matches online may make your inbox more full, but if you're serious about finding love this year, Resnick says to go for quality over quantity.
"Don't message a woman unless there's some evidence in her profile that she's looking for someone like you," he says.

9. Don't Be Afraid to Get Off the Wheel

Dating apps can be great tools to help you find love, but they can also burn you out. If it’s too much to handle, it’s alright if you want to take a breather.
"Online dating should not be a part-time job," says Resnick. "If you're spending more than 20 minutes of your day on it in 2019, it's time to limit yourself in 2020. FOMO isn't real here, but burnout is. The people you don't see today will still be there tomorrow, but your will to find them might not be."

10. Know What You Value

What actually matters to you in a relationship? Getting clear on what you value most in a potential partner will help make it clear when you've found the right one for you.
"When you are unsure what matters to you in a relationship, it can be easy to be swayed purely by chemistry rather than an actual character traits connection," says Cook. "Does your ideal life include adventure, safety, achievement, connection, creativity? From this, you can begin identifying what matters most to you."

11. Be Vulnerable Where It Matters

"Many of us either operate in a space where we are totally closed off or share too much," says Cook. "Find a happy medium where you are willing to connect in a safe and open way that allows you to get to know someone. You can still protect your heart without appearing guarded and defensive. If you notice that your partner has a wall up as well, carefully consider if they are at a place in their lives where they are willing to be thoughtfully vulnerable as well. In other words: Don't date someone who is not open to love at this time."

12. Own Who You Are and What You Want in a Relationship

If you really want to be in a serious relationship, why pretend you don’t to appease someone else? It's okay to make that known.
"Pretending to be interested in only casually dating or portraying yourself as someone who is willing to hook up without a commitment when that isn’t who you are is not going to serve you in relationships," says McNeil. "You send mixed messages to both the new partner and yourself by accepting less than you want. The right person for you will find it refreshing and attractive that you are willing to own who you are, and state your expectations about what you are looking for regardless of whether or not the other person agrees or validates you."

13. Stop Being So Rigid in Your Expectations

You may have a prepared plan as to what you want out of the person you date, but make sure you're focused on the right things.
"So many of my clients shoot people down before they ever have a chance to meet because of their ‘requirements’ for a new partner," says McNeil. "Not every woman has to be a perfect size two in order to be a fit." Instead, make a list of must-haves based on what a potential new person values – "their character, their ability to take personal responsibility for their behaviors, and sense of genuine concern for their needs," continues McNeil. "Then you are more likely to find someone who is actually a good long-term fit."

14. Consider Therapy to Learn How to Set Healthy Boundaries

"The common denominator in all your relationships is you," says McNeil. "If you feel you give more than you receive in relationships and they often leave you feeling disappointed, frustrated, victimized or resentful, you may have difficulties setting healthy boundaries in relationships."
If you find yourself feeling that no matter how hard you try, nothing you ever do is good enough, or you catch yourself walking on eggshells out of fear about how your partner will respond to you, it’s time to do some work on yourself.

15. Evaluate Your Beliefs About Dating

Your beliefs about the dating landscape you're in can impact whether or not you'll be successful. Meaning, if your internal monologue consists of feeling like women never notice you, that you have to be a bodybuilder in order to get any attention or that all the good ones are taken, it's time to challenge that thought process.
"Our beliefs create our reality, so really examine what thoughts you think on a regular basis about dating," says relationship expert Kat Trimarco. "What if these beliefs weren't true? As you choose different thoughts that are more in alignment with what you want to experience, these new thoughts over time become your beliefs and shape the new experiences you'll have. Your willingness to see things differently will open up doors to meeting new people."

16. Have a First Date Plan

When you're going on a first date with someone you barely know, it can be tempting to leave the date up to chance. As Aaron explains, taking initiative to thoughtfully plan out a first date can really work to your advantage.
"Having planned for the date shows forethought; it signals to your date that she or he is important and worthy of your time," he says. "Pre-planning also shows leadership, a fine strength to demonstrate. Share the plan as a way of keeping your date informed of what will happen, but also to get agreement that the plan will be pleasing to them."

17. Incorporate an Activity Into Your Next Date

If firing questions back and forth at a bar on first dates isn't getting you anywhere, Aaron suggests planning a date that focuses on an activity both of you enjoy.
"A date that incorporates a physical element adds a source of conversation," says Aaron. "Taking a walk, riding bikes, going bowling, exploring a location, dancing, and climbing stairs to see a beautiful view are all examples."

18. Listen More Than Talk on Your First Few Dates

"I often tell my clients that the people you date will generally tell you who they are within the first few dates," says McNeil. "Allow yourself to have potentially uncomfortable silences without rushing to fill the void. Let the other person share the responsibility of creating a space that feels mutually acceptable, and see if the other person is aware of your needs during conversations."

19. Believe There Will Be a Second Date

The goal of any first date is to get to date number two, but going into a first date with that pressure hanging over your head can actually work against you.
"The best way to get a second date after a first date? Decide that there’s going to be a second date before that first date even starts," says relationship expert Jenny Block. "Instead, enjoy the date. Look for the positive. Remember that love at first sight is mostly in the movies, and love that grows is the kind of love that lasts. You just might be surprised by what you discover about a person when you’re looking for their best instead of their worst.”

20. Go On a Second Date Even If the First One Wasn't "Perfect"

"Many of my clients tell me they give someone just one date to get it right, and if they don’t feel a spark, then they move on," says McNeil. "Have you ever considered that maybe you should give someone a few dates to get comfortable, and allow some of the nerves to die down so they can show you who they really are? Give this person a few dates to get comfortable with you and you with them. There is no rush to get to the finish line, and sometimes a person grows on you once you get to see them in a relaxed space."
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  Source: https://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/20-different-ways-to-successfully-find-love-in-2020.html
  

Science Says To Have More Sex For Better Sleep

Are you looking for an all-natural sleep aid that will ease your stress AND help you fall asleep? Well, we've found it and it's called sex! Pull back the covers and read on:

There's a reason why every sex scene in a movie ends with the couple falling fast asleep. Sex has been proven to promote better sleep, and it all has to do with the hormones produced during intercourse. Sex boosts oxytocin (a hormone that makes you feel connected to your partner) and lowers cortisol (a stress-related hormone). These changes in hormone levels leave your body feeling naturally more relaxed, resulting in a pleasant transition into sleep.

The big snooze especially happens when you reach the Big O. When you have an orgasm, your body releases a cocktail of hormones that help you sleep. Along with sleep-inducing melatonin, oxytocin - aka the love hormone - floods your brain after climax. It makes sense that a chemical that contributes to trust and intimacy would also encourage drowsiness and calm. During an orgasm, the brain also fires feel-good neurotransmitters called endorphins. Low stress levels paired with feelings of intimacy and euphoria have a calming effect on the body, which is the perfect recipe for sleep.

Sex definitely helps you sleep, but it's affect on men and women differs. For women, estrogen levels are known to increase after intercourse, which enhances a woman's REM cycle for a deeper sleep. But don't feel left out, men. After sex, men will release a biochemical known as prolactin, which is directly responsible for feelings of fatigue. No wonder they pass out within minutes!

Sex is important for our sleep and vice versa. A good night's rest will do wonders for your sex life. In a study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, women in romantic relationships reported higher levels of sexual desire and had a 14% increase in the likelihood of sexual activity the next day. Women with longer average sleep duration also reported greater vaginal lubrication during sex than those with shorter average sleep.

Clearly sleep and sex are related. They both are important to our overall health and happiness. Get a little frisky tonight and see your sleep (and mood) improve greatly!

Source: https://site.eightsleep.com/blogs/news/sex-before-bed-is-worth-it

How to Deal With Being Alone During the Holidays

For some, the holidays are a few carefree weeks of celebration. For others, they’re a difficult slog and a stark reminder that you’re unable to spend quality time with friends and family.
Being alone is difficult, and being alone during the holidays can magnify some of those feelings tenfold. But as difficult as it can feel, there are opportunities to help make the holidays feel less like a time when everyone else is out having fun.
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Here, you’ll find a few various things you can do if you’re by yourself this holiday season.

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1. Practice Self-Care

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The concept of self-care looks different for everyone, but it’s still absolutely necessary. This could mean seeing a therapist or increasing the number of regular visits. It could mean leaning on a spouse or close friend (feeling alone doesn’t necessarily mean you are alone), or taking a trip just to change your surroundings.
Making sure you’re putting yourself first is important. Don’t just stay busy for the sake of it. There’s nothing wrong with skipping the office holiday party if quality alone time is what you’re in the mood for. For some people, self-care can even be a matter of catching up on chores.
“If you're going to be alone, don't let that stop you from having a good time,” advises family clinician Lauren Cook. “You might enjoy going to the movies, doing a deep clean of your apartment or getting knee deep in a passion project.. Get yourself in a state of flow where you lose track of time.”
It also may be advisable to avoid social media and other time-sinks if you think they’ll have a negative effect on your psyche.

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2. Avoid Self-Destructive Habits

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Avoid patterns of behavior that you know can put you in a bad headspace: drinking too much alcohol, overeating comfort foods or even dating just for the sake of it. “Are you numbing out with overeating, alcohol or online dating?” asks divorce coach Catherine Blake. “Pay attention here that you don’t let your self-care routine slide in order to avoid the pain.”
After all, part of practicing self-care also means avoiding negative habits.

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3. Volunteer Your Time

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Taking the time to help those less fortunate will not only feel like time well spent, but it can also help to put your pain in perspective. There are plenty of opportunities around the holidays: volunteer at a soup kitchen, nursing home or toy drive. Animal shelters are a great option, too, helping to “relieve stress and loneliness,” says Ethan Szalar, a recovery coach at Mountainside.
“If someone isn’t ready to commit to buying a dog or cat, they can volunteer at a local animal shelter and enjoy interacting with the animals there while experiencing a greater sense of purpose.”
Helping others and seeing their gratitude can be a great way to re-contextualize the way you feel about the holidays. It’ll also allow you to appreciate the things you do have.

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4. Create New Traditions

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Have something to look forward to with a newly crafted tradition. Think along the lines of a nice dinner at your favorite restaurant every year, or maybe even a weekend getaway if you can afford it. If you have a friend (or friends) in a similar situation, you could even start the tradition together. The point here is to create a new ritual, spinning what could be a depressing situation into something that’ll up the excitement level as the year finishes out.
“For myself, I hated spending the Thanksgiving when I did not have my daughter with my family,” says Blake. “I felt like I was missing a part of me. So I started hosting Friendsgiving for other solo and single parents.”
Look at that blank space during the holidays as an opportunity instead of something to dread.

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5. Seek Out Other People Like You

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Look to join a class around the holiday season. Not only will you get those endorphins pumping, but you’ll likely discover other people who are alone of the holidays for whatever reason.
“Taking an exercise class at a local gym can help people make friends and meet others like them,” says Szalar. “Alternately, they can make new friends while exploring new passions by signing up for a cooking class or cooking a special dish they have always wanted to learn how to make.”
The most important thing is to make sure you’re taking care of yourself. If you’re having suicidal thoughts or ideations, please visit the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is always an option if necessary. Alternatively, call (800) 273-8255 as you are never truly alone.
These ideas may help if you’re feeling a bit down. You might form new connections and make new friends, sure, but at the very least, you’ll at least learn how to bake a three-tiered cake or discover you really love painting.


Source: https://www.askmen.com/fitness/mental_health/how-to-deal-with-being-alone-during-the-holidays.html

Suffering from Holiday Anxiety? Here’s How to Cope

Andy Williams has always considered Christmas to be the "most wonderful time of the year," but for many of us, it’s actually the most stressful. The holiday season is a time when it's easy to feel overloaded with social obligations, financial pressures and the general expectation to be jollier than usual. With December 25 quickly approaching, some of us will relate more to Scrooge than Santa Claus, turning the holidays into an anxiety-inducing marathon with no end in sight.

Jack Duddy, a Behavioural Strategist at Ogilvy Consulting's Behavioural Science Practice, says there's good and bad news for Scrooges when it comes to festive trends.

RELATED: How to Deal With Being Alone During the Holidays

"I believe that in years to come Christmas will become more low-key in terms of a reduction in gift-giving," he predicts. "But I also believe that in keeping with the trend of people moving towards gaining experiences rather than material possessions, social obligations will continue to be a key aspect.”

Essentially, people are likely to prioritize spending time with family and friends during the holidays to an even greater extent than they do now.

With this in mind, here's a guide to navigating the holidays even if you find the whole shebang more gut-churning than heartwarming.
Tips on Coping with the Holiday Season


1. Learn How to Say No

The festive treadmill of family gatherings, office parties and happy hours with friends can test your mental health as much as it challenges your liver. Duddy recommends being “tactical” with the events you attend, as well as those you politely decline.

“You can’t be there at every single social event,” he says. “[And] if you try to be, you may find you become more over-tired and stress yourself out even more.”


2. Try to Drink a Little Less
This might seem like a buzzkill, but it makes a lot of sense. Duddy says that so-called “hang-xiety” is a real thing which can “stress you out even more for the next day or two” after a heavy night.

Drinking in moderation is also a surefire way to make sure you leave a holiday party before it gets too late – and while you’re stuck on the festive treadmill, you’ll need as much sleep as you can get.


3. Avoid Comparing Yourself to Others
As the holidays are often used to reflect on the year gone by, it’s all too easy to slip into a toxic cycle of comparing yourself unfavorably to others.

"If you're a single man you might feel a pressure to ‘get a partner’ by Christmas so you have someone to go the office party with," says Jo Emerson, a Confidence and Human Behavior expert, “but who says you need a partner to enjoy a party?"

The key is to approach the holidays in a way that suits you, not boring societal norms.


4. Steer Clear of Social Media as Much as Possible
We all know that people tend to present idealized versions of themselves on social media. As you might’ve guessed, this just intensifies during the holiday season when people want to show the world just how much fun they’re having.

"Because our brains are wired to constantly make comparisons between ourselves and others, posts we see of others sharing their 'perfect' Christmas – their presents, social outings and the rest – can make us feel far more anxious that we're not living our lives to the same level," explains Duddy.

He also warns against using social media as a crutch during occasions where you're anxious about speaking to people face-to-face, noting that "habitually 'checking' your phone can increase anxiety because our brains become programmed to believe something might be wrong if we don’t get on Instagram right away."


5. There Are No Rules as to How You Should Spend the Holiday

“If you don’t like sitting around all day, go on a massive hike and pack a turkey sandwich for your lunch,” advises Emerson. She also points out that in 2019, there's no such thing as a "normal" way to spend Christmas Day itself.

"I have other friends with no children who spend the day in their pajamas sipping port, eating cheese and binge-watching movies," she says. "And I have another friend who's single who volunteers at the local homeless shelter – she spends her day peeling potatoes and washing up."
6. Make Yourself an Anti-Holiday Playlist

You’re going to hear “Santa Baby” and “All I Want for Christmas Is You” at every party, bar and market from now until December 25. Break up the monotony by making your own playlist of the most defiant and unseasonal songs to play in your downtime.


6. Don’t Worry About Being Called a “Scrooge”

Duddy acknowledges that "there's a danger that if people don’t think you're being 'festive enough,' you’re going to get called a 'Scrooge.'”

This in turn can heighten your anxiety, but one solution is to make a joke out of your Scrooge-like behavior. After all, so many people get a little carried away during the holidays that it might be refreshing for your friends and family to hang with someone who’s not that into it.

Vive la festive difference.

Source: https://www.askmen.com/fitness/mental_health/how-to-handle-the-holidays-if-you-re-naturally-a-scrooge.html

7 Things You Need to Know If You’re Dating Someone With Kids

How to Approach Dating a Person Who Has Children from Another Relationship

Dating someone new definitely has its challenges: assessing your compatibility, getting comfortable enough to let your guard down, discovering your differences, and coping with new relationship anxiety. Add a kid or two into the mix, though, and it’s a whole different ball game.

“Dating someone with kids is a package deal,” says NYC-based relationship expert Susan Winter. “Even when your date has limited or partial custody, their children play a significant role in their long-term partner selection process.”

Not only will their kids probably play influence who they allow into their lives, but it’ll probably affect how they function in a relationship, too.

“They have people that physically and emotionally need them in order to survive,” explains Mike Goldstein, founder of EZ Dating Coach. “You will always be priority number two, no matter how hard you fight for the top spot.”

So if you’re in the midst of getting to know someone with children from a previous relationship, here are a few different things to kind in mind before you get too deep.

1. You may not get as much quality time alone as you’d like

If you’re the kind of person who requires a lot of attention from your partner, you’ll need to come to terms with the fact that other people are also vying for their time. Just how much room they have in their calendar for you will depend on how many kids they have, as well as what their ages are.

Chances are you won’t be able to plan date nights as often as you’d like. Keep in mind, however, that this could also be a positive thing.

“If you love your alone time, this will be a huge bonus for you,” says Goldstein. “And if you enjoy planning, this will be a great exercise in coordination to work around each other’s schedules.”

2. Keeping it casual probably isn’t an option

Point blank, a single parent is more likely to be looking for something serious when dating around.

“Dating involves the possibility of integrating a person into the family system,” explains Winter. “This is done with caution, over time, and with much consideration.”

This is why you should be sure to clarify your intentions early on before you meet their kids.

“It's important that their kids not be exposed to many people coming in and out of their parent's life,” adds Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent couples’ therapist in Los Angeles.

On the plus side, as those dating with kids tend not to take the situation lightly, you can rest easy knowing that they’ll be in it for the long haul.

“You get the almost automatic benefit of knowing that the person you are dating is into you because time is precious in their lives, and they will likely not want to spend it with you unless they think there is something meaningful there,” adds Brown.

3. You probably won’t meet the kids right away

Don’t be alarmed if your partner isn’t ready to introduce you to their children right away. After all, they will likely want to make sure the relationship feels stable and you’re both on the same page about the future.

“Parents are naturally protective of their kids and need to screen who they are dating before introducing them to their children,” explains Brown. That’s why he says to make sure you “avoid the tendency to try and push for a premature commitment on their part.”

“You will likely need to take things somewhat slower.” adds Brown.

Rather than pressuring them to let you meet the kids, focus on doing whatever you can to build trust. By doing that, you’ll help them feel ready to take that step.

4. Be prepared for plans to change on a dime

Kids add a certain element of unpredictability to life, so at some point, your partner may need to bail on date night at the last minute.

“Anything can happen that will alter your plans unexpectedly,” explains Winter. “Health issues, school or behavioral problems can eliminate that romantic holiday you booked months ago. That’s why you have to have a flexible disposition to date someone with kids.”

Try not to take it personally when they need to take a rain check. It’s not that they don’t value their plans with you ... it’s just that their kids come first.

5. Being spontaneous won’t be easy

And speaking of plans, the best way to handle dating someone with kids is to choose specific dates and times to meet up. As much as you may want to whisk them away for a weekend, that probably isn’t realistic. After all, they may need to make special arrangements in order to spend time with you.

“The two of you may not be able to act as spontaneously as you might like,” says Brown. “That doesn't mean that you can't have a night out or a weekend away. It simply means that you will have to take the logistics of child-care into consideration.”

6. The way to their heart might be through their kids

When you start connecting with your partner’s children, don’t be surprised if you see a smile whenever you’re around the little ones. Basically, that twinkle says they’re falling, as for most parents, seeing someone bond and build trust with their kids only strengthens their decision to be with you.

“Your [partner] may very well appreciate it if you take a genuine interest in their children,” says Brown. “This will likely earn you bonus points as their children are very central to their lives.”

On the contrary, Winter notes that if you don’t get along with your partner’s children, that could create some friction that jeopardizes your relationship. While you don’t need to win them over right away, you’ll eventually need to be able to coexist peacefully.

7. Don’t expect constant contact

With technology at our fingertips, we’re used to getting immediate replies to texts, social media messages and so on. But when you date someone with kids, you’ll need to adjust your expectations for response times a bit.

“When you're a parent, your time isn't always your own,” notes Brown.

There may be times when your partner is tied up caring for a kid who isn’t feeling well, or helping them with their homework. That means it’s important to understand that they won’t always be able to get back to you right away.

Clearly, there are distinctive drawbacks that come with dating a parent, but there are also numerous benefits as well. Goldstein notes that parents often have a certain level of patience and selflessness that can definitely play to your advantage in a romantic relationship. Not only that, but Brown points out that you’ll have the opportunity to see a different side of your partner. Their title as a parent will allow you to learn a lot more about their character and values early on just by observing how they interact with their children.

“There is always the possibility that you may fall in love not only with the person you are dating, but their kids as well,” adds Brown.

Dating someone with kids can be an incredibly unique and rewarding experience — as long as you keep these particular considerations in mind. And remember: A parent has already given their heart to their children. Now, they have to decide if there’s room for you, too.

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  Source: https://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/7-things-you-need-to-know-if-you-re-dating-someone-with-kids.html

Good Places To Meet Women Over The Weekend…

There’s a lot of fun places you can meet women over the weekend, besides the usual bars and clubs.

Here’s a list of my favorite places to meet women over the weekend.

1. The Mall. The mall is a great place to meet women on the weekend. A ton of women who go out on Friday night and end up going home alone and disappointed then head to the mall for a little retail therapy and would welcome the chance to meet a great guy to go out with the next night.

2. Grocery Stores. Ditto on the mall except a lot of girls do their shopping for the week on Sunday.

3. Hikes. A lot of women hike. Personally I don’t like to hike but the few times I’ve ventured out to the Malibu canyon trails I’ve seen a ton of hotties.

4. Fancy Brunch Places. Women love brunch, as it’s an excuse to drink champagne during the day and eat a variety of sweet pancakes and such.

5. Bed Bath and Beyond. Bed Bath and Beyond is like 99% women. This is one of my secret places that I’m loathe to give away but there’s a lot of potential at the Bed Bath and Beyond on the weekend.

Hope that gives guys some options besides da club this weekend.




Source: https://www.tsbmag.com/2019/05/22/good-places-to-meet-women-over-the-weekend/

How To Be a Boyfriend Who Isn’t a "Doormat"

You’re Probably Making Far More Mistakes Than You Realize

My relationship was failing. In fact, this was the very day it would end. My girlfriend and I were at dinner -the same tired spot we always went to- and we were deciding who was going to pay the bill. I insisted it should be me, but then, almost without realizing it, and in front of the embarrassed waitress, she burst out “we both know I wear the pants in this relationship.”

She had a disdainful look on her face. She was done with me. And I knew it.

This was in my early twenties. And like most guys in their first few relationships, I was a doormat. She had lost all respect for me and, looking back, I don’t blame her. I was a pushover, I had no boundaries, I did whatever she wanted, I was afraid of her, and I needed sex from her to validate my appalling self-esteem issues.

None of this was her fault. This was all my shit. And it tore my relationship apart.

So that night, I did the only confident thing I’d done since I met her, I ended it. I told her it was obvious she didn’t want to be with me, and it was best we went our separate ways. On some level, I did this out of fear of her leaving me (in my mind this would be worse), but on another level, I did it for the small glimmer of self-respect inside me.

After all, why would you be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?

Answer: you wouldn’t.

So we broke up, and what followed after was a long period of being single, challenging my fucked up emotions, and moving on to much more healthy relationships – both with myself and with women.

In the process I realized just how it was I came to be such a pathetic doormat of a man, and just how exactly I -and anyone else- could change that for good.
What do most guys think is the right thing to do?

Before I even get stuck into the whole concept of “being a doormat”, there’s something I want to address:

Many guys think that they aren’t “doormats” with women because they act in a few key ways. These are:
Never letting her be in charge
Arguing for the sake of being right
Always being dominant
Always being in the lead

Here’s why this is wrong:

These actions are always about being better than her. You’re always first, she’s always second. And you think: that’s how a relationship is supposed to be… Right?

Well, it’s not that simple, and you’re actions betray a psychology that isn’t actually on your side.

You see, when you constantly feel the need to put yourself above some else, this actually suggests you’re afraid of them ever being above you. This indicates a couple of things:
Instead of “leading them”, you’re actually lead by your own fear of them. Or in other words, you’re lead by them even if it doesn’t appear that way.
Your fear of them ever being above you suggests that you feel, deep down, that they are in fact better than you, and you’re doing everything in the world to stop them realizing this. Because if they do, you think they’ll leave you.

The result of this is that your beliefs and resultant behavior are fundamentally unattractive.

They need to change.

What is a “doormat”?
A doormat is a guy who gets walked all over. This isn’t because his girlfriend is a tyrant or a “bitch” (although sometimes that contributes), it’s largely because he has put her on a pedestal, and does whatever he thinks she wants in order to make her happy.

This is usually in the hopes of receiving sexual validation from her.

This kind of guy gets rapidly consumed by his relationship, loses all sense of self, and typically stops seeing his friends as often (if at all). He bores his girlfriend to tears, and she, like any person in her situation would, loses respect for him, and starts treating him badly.

You will have met these guys before. You may even be one yourself.

If so, here’s what you need to do…

How to not be a “doormat”
Not being a doormat depends on a couple of underlying things acting together at once:

You’re okay leaving her / being left.

This, in many ways, is foundational. If you aren’t okay being single, then you’ll do everything you can to keep her. Even when it’s unhealthy and causes you emotional suffering.

Understanding that while you may enjoy the comforts of your relationship, being single isn’t so bad and that you actually like it, can be a great help in solving many consequent problems.

You’re comfortable with conflict.
If you aren’t comfortable with conflict then you’ll avoid it all costs. Stifling your opinion, your independence, and losing track of your personality.

This is the fast track to being a doormat.

You need to understand that conflict is okay. Expressing your opinion and doing your own thing is okay. Disagreements, while they suck, are natural and healthy. They happen. Accept it and dive in.

You don’t need her vagina to validate your self-esteem.
If having sex is how you validate your self-esteem, then without doing anything but existing, she holds the keys to your self-worth, happiness, and actions.

Even if you think she doesn’t, and even if she doesn’t realize it – she does.

As long as this relationship to sex lies at the bottom of all your interactions with her, then the vast majority of them will be false, and aimed at getting that precious sexual validation you crave. This will make you bend over backward to get her approval and act in bizarre manipulative ways.

Not good.

Here’s the reality:

Sex doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean you’re “a man”, it doesn’t mean you’re “okay”, it’s just a physical act that two people do when they like each other. Many times, you do it because you’re bored.

Realize this and try to detach yourself from this need for validation.

Putting it all together
This all combines, meshes, and translates into:
You have functional, non-manipulative boundaries based in self-respect and not in a desire to get an outcome.

This is huge. When you know what you will and won’t tolerate, and these boundaries aren’t based on a desire to get her to “like you more”, “do what you want”, “fear you”, or any other manipulative goal – then you’re coming at your relationship and your life from a much more confident place.

You’re saying “this is who I am” and they can either take it or leave it. Even though you might not want to lose her, you’re ultimately fine either way.
You can voice your honest opinion even if she doesn’t like it, disagrees, or it causes an argument

One of the easiest ways to tell a guy sucks at dating is to see how much he tries to agree with everything a woman is saying on a date. The more he agrees with every opinion she has, the more he’s trying to impress her and get her to like him.

Not a good sign.

It’s also fatal to any form of interest or aphrodisiac. But even worse, it degrades his self-confidence and sense of identity.

When you can voice your honest opinion with your partner it means you aren’t prioritizing some false sense of harmony, sex, or her view of you over yourself. It doesn’t mean you insult her, or voice every single little opinion on everything, but it means you aren’t afraid to say what you believe.

This might seem like a small point, but you’d be amazed how many guys hold their tongue and what it costs them internally and in their relationship.
You are okay doing things that you genuinely want to do but she might not want you to – even though it means it might cost you your potential “sexual validation”.

You might want to hang out with some friends. You might want to get some work done. You might want to relax. And throughout it, she might have things she wants that are contrary to all of those. Watching Netflix, going out for dinner, or visiting her parents. Who knows.

This conflict of interests can and will happen, and sometimes you will need to compromise. Sometimes what she wants might be more important or necessary. But not always.

Sometimes you might need to put yourself first. This is fine. This isn’t selfish, this is something every guy needs to do.

But so often, guys do the reverse and do whatever they can to keep her happy, in the hopes she won’t argue with them, leave them, or not have sex with them.

Yet your own life is important and you need to get your own needs met. Sometimes that’ll mean socializing on your own, taking a day off – whatever. Provided your desires aren’t coming from a bad place, there’s no reason not to do this.

And ironically, it’s often better for your sex life. Women like a guy who is independent, despite how much they might claim to the contrary.
You put yourself on an equal footing to her. You don’t convince yourself your “better than her” or that “you’re worse than her”. You don’t really care about any of that.

I can’t stress this enough. Guys always talk about “being the man”, “being alpha”, “being a leader” and “being in charge”, and they always stress how much these things matter with women.

Here’s the thing.

They are real. And they do matter with women.

But they only come from being okay with who you are, and from a place of respect for other people. The second you start thinking you’re better than others, the second it all falls apart. You might appear like an “alpha” but in reality, it’s just smoke and mirrors to cover for your unconscious feelings of inferiority.

In other words, it’s the same as being a doormat. And you eventually end up with the same results.

It’s not worth it.

Instead, sort out your foundation, be okay with who you are, and start going after the kind of life and relationship you want.
The easiest way to achieve this

There’s a bunch of different ways to achieve this. One of the simplest ways is practicing brutal honesty with a therapist, working through your issues, confronting your shit, and trying to becoming a better, more emotionally well-rounded version of yourself.

This takes time but can be done at any point in your life. The sooner the better.

The other thing I’ve seen work is spending time on your own and being comfortable being single. This doesn’t mean you live in a cave like a monk, it means you’ve practiced being single, you know how to date, you’re comfortable in your ability to meet women. This takes even more time, but the more you dedicate yourself to it, develop your own style, and become comfortable (even to the point of boredom) with being single, the better your relationships will ultimately be.

It gives you a sense that the grass is fine on either side, so you aren’t really afraid of ending up single or in a relationship, and no matter which you’re in, you’re capable of appreciating what you have.

Source: https://www.tsbmag.com/2019/08/07/how-to-be-a-boyfriend-who-isnt-a-doormat/