The Key to a Perfect Valentine’s Day Is Appreciation, Not Romance
Valentine’s Day isn’t about love. It’s not even about romance. It’s about appreciation. Your wife (or girlfriend, partner, etc.) should know that you love them. Hopefully you say “I love you” as you leave for work in the morning, or when you hang up the phone. If you don’t, start with that.
While you might not be the most romantic guy in the world, you’ve probably made a few grand romantic gestures each year, perhaps to celebrate a birthday or promotion, or because you were looking to rekindle that spark in the bedroom again. Whatever the reason, good. Keep doing that.
But, how often do you say “I appreciate you”? How often do you show through your actions that you’re not taking her for granted? It’s the little things, such as picking up dinner when you know she’s been swamped with work, that show your appreciation.
“Expressing appreciation shows that you value and respect one another,” explains Amazon best-selling author and executive mind coach Cynthia Dougherty, Ph.D. “Appreciation acknowledges the efforts each person is putting in the relationship to grow together and invest into one another’s happiness.”
Valentine’s Day is the perfect time for grand gestures of appreciation. You want to make it clear that you not only recognize everything that she does for you on a daily basis, but you also value her for thinking of you.
“Making that effort really is the point of the holiday,” adds Gigi Engle, a certified sex coach and educator. “You should always put effort into your relationship and make things special, but Valentine’s Day is a chance to be over the top and show your partner you think they’re magical.”
This, of course, begs the question “How do I show my appreciation?” because a bouquet of roses or a box of chocolates, just isn’t going to cut it.
Unfortunately, it’s impossible to offer a one-size-fits-all perfect V-Day itinerary that complements the dynamic of every relationship. Nevertheless, here are a few suggestions, and hopefully, from there, you’ll be able to personalize the dayfor your one-and-only.
First, try to think about something that would enhance her life not for a few hours, but for the rest of the year. This can come in the form of an actual gift, action, or event. Let’s say your sweetheart is a big reader, and books are beginning to pile up on her desk. You could buy her a book, which sounds cute, or you could give her a reading-related gift that’s far more meaningful and appreciative. Before she gets home from work that day, install a floating wall shelf in the living room, office, or wherever you think works best aesthetically. She’ll come home to find the novels that were littered across her desk beautifully displayed on the walls.
Another great way to show your appreciation is through doing something that you don’t like, but she loves. Sacrifice shows that it’s not always about you, and you’re willing to put her first. Buy her tickets to see a pop diva/band that you dislike, but she obsesses over. When you eventually go, don’t seem disinterested or annoyed as that’ll defeat the entire purpose, and enjoy time spent with your spouse. A special day together like this is one that she’ll remember forever.
In the evening, you could have a V-Day dinner. It doesn’t matter if you cook her favorite meal or take her to one of her favorite restaurants. What matters is what you say during dinner. It’s a time to open up and bare your soul. Even if it’s not your thing, or if you find communicating your emotions difficult (spoiler: everyone does), because during this one dinner, you’re going to do just that.
Express how you appreciate her, how you sometimes forget to show your appreciation, and use specific examples. Try writing something out prior if you need the practice. You don’t even need to read it, but the actual act of writing it down will help you collect and organize your thoughts.
Dougherty also suggests giving the actual handwritten, heartfelt love letter to your girlfriend.She advises to “directly express why you appreciate this person in your life” in it.
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An example would be to say something like, “I hope you know how much I love and care for you. I know that sometimes I don’t show you how much I appreciate everything you do for me. You do my laundry without asking, you cook my favorite meal when I’m clearly having a bad day, and you’re always there to listen to my problems.. You’re kind, compassionate, and I really am so happy that we found each other. I don’t say this enough, but I appreciate you.”
Then, last but not least, say how you plan to show your appreciation every other day of the year. Rather than having Valentine’s Day as the only time to express your gratitude, think of it as a precursor to how you will show your appreciation every single day.
“In my experience working with couples, I’ve found that the healthiest and most satisfied couples find ways of showing appreciation for their partners every day for even the most mundane of tasks, like feeding the dog or moving the clothes from the washer to the dryer without being asked,” notes Melissa Johnson, PsyD.
“Showing daily gratitude prevents the buildup of resentment, which is toxic for a relationship, while also encouraging a teammate mentality.”
If you’re able to do that, she’ll not only have an incredible Valentine’s Day, but she’ll also have an incredible boyfriend year-round.
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Source: https://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice_600/653_perfect-valentines-day.html
