By Preeti Tewari, Selfish people are some of the worst people you can surround yourself with. All they do is think about themselves. So, how do you deal with them exactly?
How to deal with selfish people
If you’re traumatized by a selfish person in your own life, don’t hate yourself for it. A lot of people have been deceived by this selfishness and it’s not something you should hate yourself for. No one really realizes that a partner or a friend is selfish at the beginning of the relationship.
You’d only see the signs when it’s too late, and there’s little you can do to change their behavior after that. A selfish person rarely ever changes until they actually see an issue in their behavior.
What makes a person selfish?
A selfish person cares only for their own pleasures, even if it causes pain to someone else. A lot of factors should be considered when asking what makes a person selfish.
Maybe they were so hurt to the point of changing their heart entirely for the worse, maybe it’s in their nature, maybe they had a terrible childhood, or maybe they just lack empathy to care for others. Understanding the factors doesn’t change the facts, but it can help you see things from their perspective.
They have no consideration for anyone else and worry only about their own comfort. Selfish people are well-mannered and nice to everyone, but they’re nice only as long as they get something more back in return from the people around them.
No matter the reason behind their selfishness, nothing is valid enough to excuse their painful behavior. Selfish people are incapable of compromise and understanding, no matter how hard you try to get your point across to them.
Don’t take it personally – it’s just who they are. One of the easiest ways to recognize a selfish partner or a friend is their trait of always extracting more from you, and yet, they never give anything back to you in equal measures.
You’re always the one who ends up exhilarated and empty rather than the other way around. Ironic, isn’t it? [Read: 10 signs your partner is only using you]
Selfish people aren’t selfish with everyone
Selfish people subconsciously pick and choose the people they would want to use and trample on. They don’t go looking for people to hurt. Their selfishness levels vary from person to person, depending on your level of intimidation.
For instance, if they feel intimidated by you, they might not bring out their selfish nature. Rather, they’d choose someone innocent and naive. Selfish people are people pleasers, and appear needy and vulnerable, to begin with.
They’d pamper you, care for you, and love you until you drop your guard down and welcome them into your life and give them your whole heart. This sounds extremely harsh, but it’s a terrible truth.
This is why it’s so important to know the signs of selfish people – to actively avoid them before you get sucked into their trap. [Read: 10 types of toxic friends you need to avoid in your life]
The mind of selfish people
If you’re in a relationship with someone selfish, the best of luck to you as it’s practically impossible dealing with them. As long as they don’t benefit anything from a situation, they wouldn’t give you anything in return.
The thing is, even if a selfish person ends up giving you something, they expect to get something back. This is the exact opposite of what unconditional love is, which makes them the worst friends and lovers.
When you’re in a relationship with a selfish person, they would continue to extract your love and your affections. However, they’d stop giving any love or affection back in return which would leave you feeling weak, unappreciated, and miserable.
Selfish people want the world to revolve around them and nobody else. They want everything to be done under their terms and conditions without sacrificing what they want. Again, they’re incapable of compromise. [Read: 12 signs you’re walking on eggshells in your love life]
So why did you fall prey to this selfish person?
In a perfectly happy relationship between friends or lovers, both the involved people consider each other as equals. But when a selfish partner or friend starts to believe that they’re more important than the other partner in the relationship, they’d convince themselves that their partner needs them more than they need their partner.
You fell into this trap because you thought they were genuinely sweet and lovely, or maybe you thought you’d have a significant relationship with them. They make you feel on top of the world and loved when it matters but you failed to realize, this is all a facade.
It’s frankly easy to fall for a selfish person, but it’s much harder to get out of that relationship. Selfish people are very much capable of manipulation and as long as it benefits them in some way, they’ll want you to stay.
If you’re being used by a selfish friend who sees you as an emotionally weak target, you may even find yourself confused and lost. You may wonder why you’re the only one feeling miserable around this selfish person while everyone else thinks so highly of them.
Manipulation is their expertise and it’s not a game you can win against them. [Read: How self respect affects you and your relationship with others]
Dealing with the hurt and the pain
When you’re in a relationship with a selfish person, no matter what you do, they’d constantly make you feel like you aren’t giving enough back to them. Even the love you have for this person would feel one-sided and painful because none of your feelings would be reciprocated.
What’s worst is they make you doubt your self-worth and why nothing you do seems to be enough. Their selfishness is reflecting your inadequacy, which has been their plan all along. A relationship with a selfish person would make you feel like you’re living through a heartbreak every day.
No matter what you do, they’d still pick flaws with you or overlook your nice side. Honestly, there’s no winning against a selfish person. It’s either you avoid them early on in the relationship or find a way to beat their own game *which, you have to admit, is close to impossible.*
[Read: The right way to let go of a relationship that’s bad for you]
15 signs to recognize a selfish person
There’s no easy way to recognize a selfish person. It’s almost impossible to miss the signs, which is why we’ll be guiding you through every one of them. Use these 15 signs and ask yourself if that special someone is nothing but a selfish and bad person who doesn’t deserve you.
1. They’re friendly at first – until they’re not
Expect inconsistency from a selfish person as it’s one of the areas they particularly excel at. They seem sweet and genuine, but it’s a facade. After all, how else can a selfish person pull you into their track other than by putting their best foot forward?
They put this facade up until they’re sure you trust them enough. That’s when they start to reveal their true colors. [Read: 14 Ways to instantly recognize fake people and stay away]
2. They always ask for favors
A selfish person doesn’t feel the slightest shame or remorse when asking for favors. Whether it’s something big or small, they’re not shy in asking for favors. Selfish people don’t feel shame in constantly asking even without the slightest guilt that it’s one-sided.
3. They excuse themselves from helping you
When it comes to helping you, they also come up with the lamest excuse to avoid delivering. Maybe it’s an emergency with their family or their schedule is packed *even when you practically know their schedule.*
Whatever it is, selfish people give the lamest excuse when helping you out – and it’s pretty obvious.
4. They’re quite two-faced
Even when talking to someone they hate with an extreme passion, they act completely nice and friendly towards them. They’re completely fake when interacting with them, but are so open to insulting them with you.
Selfish people are the best two-faced people you’ll ever meet and they’re quite good at it.
5. They make a hobby of using people
Selfish people will do anything to get what they want, even if it means using people. They’ll even share a laugh or two with you and admit they’ve used someone else to get something done.
This should be a red flag for you and if I were you, I’d run from the friendship or relationship. [Read: How to know if you are being taken advantage of by people around you]
6. They’re people-pleasers
We’ve mentioned above that they’re such people-pleasers, but to what extent exactly? They’ll put their best foot forward when you meet them and everything is flawless and clean. It’s as if they actively made sure you won’t see any warning signs that’ll cause you to run.
Only when you’re in the relationship deep that they’ll reveal who they really are and it’ll shock you completely. It’s as if the person you initially liked and the person you’re talking to right now are two different individuals. [Read: 20 signs you’re a people pleaser and don’t realize it]
7. They’re excessively friendly
Remember what we’ve talked about putting a perfect front? Selfish people will do everything to get your trust and friendship. That could mean compliments, fake smiles, or basically anything to pull you into their trap. Don’t fall for it, no matter what.
Even if it seems genuine and sweet, they’re not to be trusted. Excessively friendly people almost always have selfish, ulterior motives.
8. They never commit without a selfish benefit
The concept of friendship or love is to give what you can without the expectation of anything in return. A selfish person doesn’t know this concept or just chooses to ignore it altogether.
A selfish friend or lover never commits to anything unless they can get some benefit or favor out of it. They would never do anything selflessly for your benefit.
9. They don’t care – about anything
If you’re ranting about your feelings or you’re opening up about a sensitive topic, they’re not the best person to run to. In fact, don’t ever talk to them about anything significant as they just don’t care. They have such a carefree attitude and not in a good sense.
They’ll tell you that you’re just being dramatic or you’re imagining things when you tell them something personal. So much for friendship and love, right? [Read: Emotionally detached? 15 signs they don’t really care about you]
10. They’re liars and manipulators
Selfish people are experts at manipulation and you can’t expect anything less. Whether it’s gaslighting, playing the blame game, twisting your words – you name it.
They know how to turn things in their favor and still get what they want. They never want to apologize because they think you’re beneath them. Instead, they resort to lies. [Read: 15 types of toxic relationships to watch out for]
11. They’re control freaks
As a selfish person, they want to control everything and everyone around them. After all, it’s the only way to ensure that they still get their desired outcome.
They wouldn’t risk being in a position of authority as they like being in power. It might be in a subtle way, but they’re always trying to control people and things around them.
12. They can’t do teamwork
Obviously, you can’t expect selfish people to work in a team as they’ll only want you to go with their ideas and concepts. They’ll dismiss everything else that isn’t their own and convince everyone why their idea is the best.
Open-mindedness? Consideration? Collaboration? A selfish person doesn’t know any of those things.
13. They make the world revolve around them
Call it whatever you want, but they’ll make the world turn only for them. They want things to go their way and situations to happen based on their conditions alone. Other people’s opinions and outputs aren’t welcome, similar to the point mentioned above.
They’re the most self-centered, narcissistic, egomaniacal people you’ll ever meet in your life. The worst thing is you’ll never see it coming – not until it’s too late. [Read: Super self-obsessed: 22 secret signs you’re dating an egomaniac]
14. They’re entitled to a fault
Entitlement means that you think you deserve everything, even when you don’t. Selfish people own the meaning of entitlement as they think everything they have is because they deserve it.
They don’t know the sense of something being taken from you in an instant. If they ask something from you, they probably think they’re entitled to it. [Read: How to get rid of that sense of entitlement that’s ruining your life]
15. They never show vulnerability
No matter what, you can’t count on a selfish person to show their vulnerability and transparency. They know you can use this against them.
Most importantly, vulnerability means you’ll have power over them, which is one of the biggest fears of someone selfish. Even if their life is dependent on it, they’d rather suppress their emotions than show it.
5 steps to stop a selfish person from hurting you
A selfish person can hurt you a lot and leave you on the floor, feeling miserable and wretched. Thankfully, there are ways to regain your strength and stop a selfish person from hurting you.
1. Realization
This is the hardest step, and as much as this friend or lover means to you, you need to ask yourself if you’re being used in the relationship. Realizing you’re dealing with someone selfish is the first step and you should be proud of yourself for that!
If you feel like you’re doing all the giving while the other person only takes, big chances are, you’re being used in the relationship.
2. Detachment.
Cutting a selfish person feels like cutting a part of your body – it’s that painful. Even if they’re toxic and you probably hate them at this point, they have a hold on you that you can’t begin to explain. After all, you did love them and care for them.
Confronting or breaking away won’t help you, because this selfish person may not care whether you exist and that would hurt you more. Instead, learn to detach yourself slowly, a little more with each passing day.
Similar to how an addiction stops, you take it one step at a time until you’re no longer longing for them in your life. [Read: The 80 20 rule in relationships and your love life]
3. Retain your personality
Anyone who’s been in a relationship with a selfish person will tell you one thing – it’s the easiest thing to lose yourself in that relationship. They’ll make you change the essence of who you are without realizing they were behind it all along.
The best way to have power over the selfish person in your life is to remain who you are and stay grounded to yourself. When they realize they can no longer control or manipulate you, that’s when you know you’ve won.
However, that selfish person may also realize that you’re starting to stand up for yourself and in the fear of losing you, they may start to show more affection to you just to change you back to the meek old self.
Don’t fall for that ploy. Pretend like you’re still the same person, but within yourself, start the change to become a stronger you.
4. Replicate their behavior
Why shouldn’t you get to treat them the same way they treat you? When you feel like you have the strength to stand up for yourself and face the situation, let your selfish lover or friend see themselves in you. Replicate their behavior, and start behaving just like they do.
Think of it like a simple form of revenge and mirroring their actions. By doing this, it would help you in two ways. It will help you get back at this selfish person. And at the same time, it will help you see for yourself how you were being manipulated by this person.
5. Drift away
Okay, this is very important to read this carefully. Selfish people never change. They just look for someone to use, and quite frankly, they can’t help it themselves. You’ll save your mental health by so much by refusing the attempt to change, fix, or save them.
No matter how much you love them, it’s not your responsibility to make them better. Forgive them for using you, and most importantly, forgive yourself for not knowing better when you met them. Afterward, walk away and don’t even think of looking back.
[Read: When is it time to end a bad friendship?]
So, do you have a selfish person in your life?
A selfish person is one of the worst people you can encounter. They’ll make you feel empty and void all because they sucked the life out of your existence.
You can’t build a relationship with selfish people who can’t love you. In fact, maybe selfish people are so incapable of love as they can’t love without conditions.
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Source: https://www.lovepanky.com/sensual-tease/obsession/stop-being-horny
